For a long time, I thought I could be a Gay Guru (for those of you who are unfamiliar, a Guru is someone who is a teacher or guide). But after much exploration, little patience for people who do not understand everything I need them to understand in a short period of time and no clear-cut college major to exercise this new life dream, I moved onto bigger and better things. But there is much to learn from the words of a Gay Guru. Wisdom such as, “Those crocs don’t match your sequenced pants,” or “Put those cheese curds down.” No matter what advice your Guru gives you, you must always remember the internal mantra of your life: “You is kind. You is smart. You is can’t afford those extra calories.” But a Gay Guru is so much more than a fabulous, self-obsessed teacher of dreams.

I learned a lot from my short stunt as a Gay Guru. But people also don’t realize how difficult it truly is. All these people are constantly bombarding me with their problems, and the one time you ask them to get you a Venti Soy Chai Tea, they throw an issue of Cosmo at you. It takes a toll on your emotional soul. But needless to say, I learned a lot about what it takes to help others. Yes, they expect a lot from you, and yes, all they want to do is bitch, but it is in understanding others that you learn a lot about yourself.

Like for example, it is apparently not socially acceptable to lay on the floor and cry when Olivia makes it to the next round of the Bachelor, or eating a whole box of Nutty Bars in one sitting is considered a “poor health choice." We Gay Gurus of the world believe in social change. We believe in a world where “the gym” is a thing of the past, and where we can bring salvation to Trump supporters.

Even though my time as a Gay Guru was short, I know that I will carry with me everything I learned. And on those days where life seems too tough, I will remember the gays who came before me. Because wherever there is gossip to be heard, or questionable choices to be made, your Gay Guru will be there to tell you to stop bitching and do your cardio. Your Gay Guru will teach you so much about life, love, and the “gay agenda” (P.S. If there is a manual out there on how to be gay, feel free to forward that to me as I am just winging it). Remember that you can do anything you set your heart to, as long as it does not interfere with your Gay Guru’s dreams and aspirations. Now let's get brunch.