“You and me; we used to be together; every day together always; I really feel; that I’m losing my best friend; I can’t believe this could be the end…”
- "Don’t Speak" - No Doubt
I stood there on the ground with the camera in my hand, struggling to prevent my hands from quivering as I recorded one of my best friends singing on stage. As I hung on to every word that escaped her lips, I promised myself that I would keep my composure because I was there to support her. In reality, though, these words hit hard whether or not they were directed towards me. The dagger pierced through my skin and stabbed straight into my heart. Bull’s-eye!
It was the second to last week of freshman year at our Freshman Farewell, and I just stood there next to four people… with three guys who were my ride or dies during first semester but strangers at the end of second semester and with one girl who was a stranger first semester and an amazing friend second semester. The amount of things that changed in less than a full year were beyond comprehensible.
I have always accepted the idea that people will wave in and out of my life. Change is inevitable. I knew this. I understood this. I accepted this, yet for some strange reason, I could not grasp the idea that I lost some of the closest friends I made first semester. Nothing was the same when second semester began. The one girl who I would spend every day with became a rare sighting twice a week, maybe more (on occasion) if I was lucky enough. I hated how little I knew about the people who I once used to know every detail about.
Despite all the losses, I gained new people in my life… people who I wouldn’t exchange for anything… people who have had my back in ways that I can never thank enough for… people who have filled the voids left behind from friends from the past semester. I gained new laughs, new stories and new memories that will never be forgotten. I found people who I was able to connect with on a deeper level and people who understood the hardships that I have been through and accepted me for who I am.
I lost some and I gained some. As second semester unfolded, I may have lost some people who I was extremely close to, but at the same time, I gained people who I can see myself sharing years of laughter, story-telling and nostalgia with.
As these thoughts and memories filled my head, I stood there on the ground and remembered the friends who stuck by me through the perils, crazy adventures and midnight dances and runs. I remembered the friend I stalked in kindergarten. The friend I thought hated me but found out she really didn’t when she playfully pushed me in the hallway one 7th grade afternoon. The friend who upon our first encounter, had me worked out to be the weirdest being she ever made contact with on the third day of freshman year of high school. The friend who I saw for the first time during fourth period lunch on the second Friday of freshman year eating goldfish. The friend I bonded with because of the hardships and heartbreaks we experienced together. The friend I met in a brief two-minute elevator ride. The friend I met on a rooftop football stadium. The friend I met sitting next to me during college orientation. The friend who thought I was a b***h (and vice versa) as we waited outside our first college calculus class together. The friend who supported me from day one. The friends who were afraid that I wouldn’t know who they were when I moved when I was a terrible-two. And many more.
I stood there with my composure intact as I listened to those last few lyrics escape the singer’s lips, “Hush, hush darlin’. Hush, hush darlin.” The tears that were on the verge of escaping quickly disappeared because I remembered that the only constant was change, for better or for worse… and it was for the better this time around, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
One thing is for sure, though: no matter what, people will flow in and people will flow out. Those who remain by your side are the people who will lend their shoulders for you to cry on. Those are the people who will sacrifice themselves for your successes. Those are the people who will continue to dream big with you. So, if a few people end up leaving, IT'S OKAY. Everything works out for a reason. Those who matter will continue to tackle the world with you, and those who don’t matter… well, they’re gone for a reason.
