Gabbie Hana is best known under the name " The Gabbie Show." She got her start with social media fame via Vine, where she made comedic six-second videos that led to her current YouTube stardom. I personally liked her Vines when they would pop up on my social media, but I never really actively followed her until recently when I came across her YouTube channel and started watching her videos.

I started following her around the time she was releasing her first book called "Adoltolecense" along with a song called "Out Loud" that was based on poems from the book. I have yet to read her book, but I listened to the song and was blown away at how good it was. Especially considering not a lot of songs by YouTubers are really that good. I could tell a lot of heart, thought, and time went into writing this song.

When I first heard the song, I assumed it was about a boy she fell in love with while he didn't seem to care too much about her. However, it wasn't until I saw her recent VidCon speech video that got me realizing that the song probably has a deeper meaning.

In this video, she explains how when she was younger, she would use online chat rooms to talk to strangers about her problems. She felt so comfortable talking to strangers online about it that she didn't know how to tell others in real life. She did have friends in real life, but she felt like she was outside looking in.

She felt alone and started falling into anxiety and depression. She didn't feel like she could tell anyone in real life what was going on because, in her eyes, everyone was so happy and they couldn't possibly understand. It wasn't until one night at a party where she learned that it's ok to feel and be vulnerable.

It may seem scary at first, but it's empowering to own your emotions. When she did finally open up to others, she was amazed at how many people related to her struggles.

After I saw this video, I listened to her song again and realized that this song was most likely not about a boy. Now keep in mind that I have yet to read her book.

Of course, I plan on doing so, and maybe I'll write a follow-up about it. But for now, I'm just going to go by this video and the song and explain how I have interpreted the lyrics. I know I'll probably be incorrect on how I've taken these lyrics, but that's ok. Music is different for everyone, right?

[Verse 1]
I still taste your presence, once sweet, but it turned sour
Tried to shake your indifference, but it's too late now
I hear you in the quiet, I see you when I'm in the dark
You just couldn't fight for this, but it's not your fault

In this first verse, I feel like she is talking about what it's like when you finally get to that point where you have mostly overcome your anxiety and/or depression. Sometimes, it doesn't feel like you're fully healed. In all honestly, most people can't really become fully healed from mental health. You can become stronger at trying to control it, sure, but it doesn't ever truly go away.

In the lyric, "once sweet, but it turned sour," makes me think she is saying that back then, drowning in anxiety and depression was somewhat comforting because maybe she thought it was all she had. But now that she has realized that she can rely on loved ones around her to help her heal, she can now see how toxic anxiety and depression can be.

[Chorus]
Say what you mean out loud
Drowning in silence when I'm lost in the crowd
'Cause every sweet thing you never speak
It's deafening, never knowing what could be
Wish I could show you how
But you're just a ghost now

This chorus is so powerful when she sings it. After watching the speech video, it was clear as day what this chorus and the title of the song itself was saying. Like she said at VidCon, be vulnerable and speak about your struggles out loud instead of bottling it all up. It can empower you, and it's better to let it out than drown in the silence that you are allowing yourself to have around others. It can lead you into the right direction to make your mental struggles seem like nothing more but a ghost.

[Verse 2]
Your laughter haunts me like a ringing in my ear
You left me long ago, you're still everywhere
I reach out for you, I'm desperate for your warmth
Can you tell me where we went wrong?
At least tell me just to move on

This is a lot like the first verse. She explains how anxiety and depression can still haunt you from time to time even after you have made yourself become vulnerable. It doesn't mean you've done anything wrong, you just need to allow yourself to fight back and tell yourself to just let it go. Just like how Gabbie explains in the bridge:

[Bridge]
It's time to let it go, you left me all alone
I wanna feel your heartbeat
But it doesn't beat for me no more, no
It's time to let it go, you left me all alone
It's holding me down, it's burning me out
I'm begging for sound, but I can't bring you back now

She seemed to get to a point where she realized that even if anxiety and depression did seem like the only thing she could hold on to, it did nothing but leave her alone. Sometimes you think maybe it would be easier to go back to the old ways, but it won't do anything but destroy you. It held her down and burned her out. She wants sound, basically meaning she wants comfort that will bring her to healing rather than keep her in one place.

All in all, this song is beautiful and really speaks to people including me. I hope one day I can come to a point where I can say I am empowered enough to fight back my anxiety and depression.

So thank you Gabbie for speaking about things not a lot of people speak about in music (other than the musical Dear Evan Hansen, which I have written about two different times here and here ).

To see more of Gabbie's work, you can follow her on YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, and view her old Vines here.