Everyone who has younger siblings, little cousins, nieces, nephews, or works in childcare knows that kids come up with some pretty crazy things. Being a babysitter, a tutor, and a big sister to six (no that is not a typo), I’m subjected on a daily basis to the complexities of a child’s mind. And it’s hilarious.
- Will: *falls* Ow! That wasn’t fair! Me: Why not? Will: Because karma got me and I didn’t even do anything bad!
- The princess was saved by the nice and shiny armor! (Knight in shining armor)
- Handsome and Gretel
- “Scupito” (mosquito)
- These curly fries are like tornadoes.
- “I love you” “I love you more” “I love you most” “you hang up first” “no you hang up” –-my 9-year-old brother and me
- I’m not saying I like boys, but if I did I would like Zac Efron –again, my 9 year old brother
- *slurps water from puddle*
- “Swimmy dipping” (skinny dipping)
- “Donald Trump is a bad player; he’s really mean to girls.”
- “Do I have anything on my face?” A completely serious statement from a child covered in chocolate.
- *Brother and sister slap my butt* “Would you stop?? What is your problem?!” “Your butt is so jiggly; it’s not OUR fault” *run away giggling*
- “Sophie Kristina what did I JUST tell you?” “Not to touch it”“And what did you do?” “...touched it”
- Will: Abbie made these disgusting chocolate covered-- Me: Oh, did she burn the chocolate or something? Will: No the chocolate was great! …I just really hate bananas.
- *Putting together an American Girl Doll set* “Santa Claus, thank you SO much, but at the same time this is kind of hard”
- “That kind of love just ain’t for us, we run a different kind of bus, and we never be royal!”
- Me: Which side is the front of the diaper? Jane: The side that doesn’t say ‘back’, brainless. *eye roll*
- Sophie: Kayla why are you always hungry? Me: Because I’m a growing girl. Sophie: Maybe if you stopped eating you would stop growing… Not trying to be mean but...
- *Natalie’s first bath* “Her belly button looks like bacon”
- “What’s the Constitution?” “It’s what our country is based on” “No it’s what happens when you go to the bathroom. Constatootin."
- “You have to come see this!” “See what?” “DEEZ NUTS!” (he was four)
- The Three Mouse-kateers
- Teaching a child not to say ‘hate’: “I don’t care for Grandma”
- *Playing with Barbies* “And we had to wait for 40 days and 40 nights"
- *Sophie crying because I yelled at her and she’s mad at me* “Do you want to stay with me or go with Daddy?” “Stay with you.” “Why? I thought you hated me.” “Because I want to make your life miserable.”
Most people wonder how I can handle being the oldest of seven and be with children 90 percent of the time for work, but despite the times I shake up the OJ and someone “forgot” to put the cap back on, despite the times milk is dumped on the floor so they can fill their cup with water, and despite the times I’m woken up at the crack of dawn (anytime before noon) because there’s an intense basketball game going on upstairs (even though we have a basketball hoop outside) or they want to watch Mickey’s Twice Upon a Christmas on my laptop, I wouldn’t trade these kiddos for the world.
