I was a naive 15-year-old who believed she experienced the world and was ready to date this 19-year-old. Four years apart but yet, I was the more mature one. Started out all innocent whereas he was my first everything. Every word that came out of his mouth was a verse in the Bible to me. I depended on him for my happiness because of what was going on with my family issues.

He led me on to the point where I believed we were in love and just hiding it.

Little did I know that he was seeing and hooking up with every girl. I had such bad anxiety and cried myself to sleep for over a year about if he was sleeping with another girl beside me while we were having our fling. We never talked about what the status was or if we would ever go out on an actual date. We only texted each other at 2 a.m. saying “wanna chill?”.

He was my teacher and I was his student eager to learn the ropes of lying and heartbreaks.

He knew about my childhood and I knew about his. We were family friends as he was my older brother’s best friend and I was his younger brother’s best friend. I convinced myself the reason why we weren’t public was that out of fear of our families finding out. But my 15-year-old, naive self was wrong.

I introduced him to three of my best friends. And later, on the same day, he broke it off with me just so he can date one of my friends. They dated for three weeks, took her out everywhere, and wasn’t ashamed of it. I felt heartbroken but when they broke up I was the bigger person and tried to help them get back together as a couple. Months would go by then all of a sudden he would tell me that he misses me and wants to know If I would feel the same way and then we would start up again.

Dream come true, I thought at the time. We kept going in circles, going off and on, and him saying the most poetic lovely-dovey bullsh*t to get back in my pants. As he expected, I was the girl sitting at the phone waiting for a text or call. When he moved away after a year and a half of going off and on, I never got a goodbye.

At first, I was pissed off at the world for letting this happen because after all the shit he put me through, I genuinely believed that we were soulmates. It took me about three months to gain the courage to lose hope in that dream and move on as he did with me, humping any girl in a 20-mile radius of him.

Every once in a while I would still call to check up on him, after all the stuff he put me through, I still have the need to make sure he is okay. It might be because I'm a good person who cares, however, he would never call me to check up on me like how I did with him and with his little brother. As this story ends, so did the feelings and the desire to want to have a future with him. He is the part of my past that I have learned so much from and will never forget.