When you’re an only child raised by a single mother, some things differentiate your upbringing from your friends who have siblings and two parents. For me, it sometimes made life harder – less comfortable or secure. But given a choice, I can’t say I would trade it. Given a choice, I think I would choose the bond my mom and I have formed over the last 19 years of being each other’s “team.”
The first memory I have of being truly aware of my mom and I's financial situation is when I was about four-years-old. We were in the grocery store, buying groceries we could barely afford and we passed a display of teddy bears in different costumes. One in particular caught my eye, the skating bear in the shimmery blue dress and ice skates. I thought it was perfect and of course, immediately wanted it. I started to cry — not to throw a tantrum, but because I was acutely aware how out of reach it was for us in that moment. In some feat of selflessness, love and magic, however, my mom got me the bear. I hugged it, convinced it was the most beautiful thing ever. That bear went to college with me and sat in my dorm room as a constant reminder of the love and sacrifice that’s gotten me to where I was and am.
In 2015, I became the first person in my family to attend a four-year college. My mom had me when she was 19 and she's spent the 19 years since then doing everything in her power to support and inspire me. And let me tell you, she's done a damn good job. I know it hasn't been easy for her — and she's never pretended otherwise. We have both seen our fair share of the other's tears. And while I would give anything to change history and take away the suffering and sacrifice my mom has endured, I wouldn't change this part of our relationship: the transparency, the honesty and the trust that we'll be there for each other.
I've never really used the "my mom played both parenting roles" line because, to me, my mom has always just been everything I needed. I don't see a difference between the roles a mother needs to play and the roles a father needs to play. Or maybe I've never fully perceived the need for a father in the first place. My mom has guided me to become the person I am, and I’ve learned more from her than I could imagine learning from anyone else.
My mom taught me to be passionate and speak critically. She taught me to be caring and how to bottle-feed a kitten. She taught me about hair dye and tattoos and gardening. She showed me what it means to follow one’s calling, and she supported me when I chose to do the same. She told me that it’s OK to not be OK, and she showed me how to admit when you need help or are in over your head.
Being the daughter of a single mother means I have a best friend for life: a best friend who is a caretaker, a leader, a teammate, a hot-chocolate maker, a role model, a confidant and a cheerleader. It means that a part of me is missing when I’m 2,000 miles away at college. It means there’s only one person whose opinion truly matters to me. It means that I know how to take care of myself, and that I know what it means to be strong. And it means that, if I become a mother, I have some big, awe-inspiring shoes to fill.
