For my ex-roommate,
It’s strange to think that we once were inseparable. We did everything together. We went out on lunch dates. We trekked up mountains. We went dancing. We set off on midnight adventures. You even came home with me during winter break. Now look at us. We don’t make eye contact. We don’t speak when we see each other. We completely avoid one another other at all costs. I wonder what our neighbors think about you mysteriously moving to a new apartment. What do our classmates believe is the reason for your sudden seat change across the classroom? Does anyone know what actually happened between us? I’m not even quite sure what went down. When it comes to you, the whole second semester has been nothing but a blur.
Our first conversation was as terrifying as a first date. I knew absolutely nothing about you, but I wanted to know everything. So that’s what I did. Over the course of our first semester in college I learned everything you were willing to share about yourself and then some. I knew the things you straight up told me like what your favorite color is or what your plans for the future are. I learned things just from spending time with you like how crafty you are or what kind of foods will get you to talk when you’re having a tough time. I know to give you space when you’re under the weather and that when you’re in a funk you’ll come out when you are ready to talk.
I did everything for you. I ran to the store for you when you were sick. I constantly cleaned up the messes you made. I helped you with homework. I practically worshiped the ground you walked on. I thought I had met my best friend. I was wrong. I had never been this blinded by a friendship before. It took you unexpectedly moving out for me to realize how caught up I was. Luckily, I realized it before I was in too deep.
Since you walked out of my life things have been different, they’ve been looking up. I used to think that being friends with you was the reason for my happiness. That’s not entirely true. Sure you made me happy and we had good times together, but I have learned far more important things about happiness now that you are gone.
I have learned to put myself out there. I meet new people every day now. I meet people on the shuttle, I meet people in class, I meet people in the café. I go out on more dates. I’m learning to focus on the reason why I’m here, which is my education. I study harder, go to tutoring when I don’t understand something, and even get together in study groups. Because of this, my grades have never been better, and I actually enjoy going to class and learning new material. I’m learning the importance of self-care. When you first moved out it was so unexpected that I was a little lost. I had no idea why you randomly stopped talking to me, and eventually moved to a new apartment. Then something just kind of clicked and I knew that I was going to be okay. I started eating healthier and taking better care of myself mentally and physically. All of these changes that I have faced in the past three months have given me a more positive outlook on life.
Sometimes I look back on our first few months together. We shared some great memories and somehow survived our first semester of college. At the same time, however, you were toxic and you were ruining me. I was deceived into being hurtful to people who didn’t do anything to deserve it. I was somehow convinced that you knew what was best for me. You influenced every aspect of my life from how I dressed to the classes I took to the people I hung out with and the music I listened to. Everyone saw you for what you really were except for me. I was a victim that had fallen into your trap. You abandoning me has been a blessing. My eyes have been opened to a world of opportunities and I’m ready to take advantage of them without you. We may be strangers now, but I’m okay with that. I have too many good people in my life right now to leave room for the bad ones like you.
