Friendship seems easy enough. You meet people, you hang out with them a lot, and you make cool memories that you’ll have for the rest of your life. But there is so much more to friendship than what a lot of people seem to think. In my experience, a lot of people don’t truly understand friendship. Some think it’s a game, some think it’s a right, and some have no idea what they’re doing.
Friendship is hard work, and it is definitely worth that work. In my opinion, if you don’t put in the work, you don’t deserve the friendship—it’s that simple. Friendship cannot be one-sided. It’s unfair to have one person doing all the work and the other doing nothing, and a friendship like this is superficial because it’s difficult to say that the person putting in no work cares about the person putting in a lot.
I have always been the person putting in all of the work because I care about my friends. I care about the people I love and interact with, and I want them to know that. I show how much I value my friends in a variety of ways, and there are probably tons of things I haven’t done. I make thoughtful (and yes, time-consuming and somewhat expensive) gifts for my friends’ birthdays and other special occasions. It doesn’t matter to me that I have to spend a long time on these gifts or that I spend a chunk of money on them—what matters is that my friends know how much I care by the personalized, meaningful gifts I give them. I also reach out all the time. I’m not perfect, so I know that I don’t reach out as much as I could, but I do it as much as I can because I want my friends to know that I am here if they need someone to talk to and even when they don’t. My friends know they can come to me no matter what because I will always be there to give advice, to cheer them up, or just to listen.
The best and most powerful thing I do for my friends, however, in my opinion, is supporting them. My friends know that I support their decisions, even if they aren’t what I would have done. No one is the same, so not everyone will do things exactly the same way, and that’s totally fine. I support my friends in all of their crazy decisions (within reason and if they aren’t life-threatening!) and in all of their life-altering decisions. It is important to be there for your friends and to be an unselfish supporter of them.
However, despite all of this, I know how difficult and frustrating it is when you have friends who don’t reciprocate your friendship. I’m not asking for elaborate gifts or heaps of attention; I’m asking for friendship—the kind I give. Everyone always says that you should treat people the way you want to be treated, and I agree, but I also have to be honest: if I treated people the way they treated me, I would lose some friends. So, if this is the case, why are there people not treating their friends the way they want their friends to treat them? We all learn this saying, we repeat it to the children in our lives, and yet there is still a disconnect somewhere along the line between speech and behavior.
It’s time to start being a friend. Not the kind of friend who says she’s there for you whenever you need her but doesn’t show it. Not the kind of friend who says you’re going to hang out and then cancels all the time with poor excuses. Not the kind of friend who can’t keep a secret. Not the kind of friend who craves attention from anyone and everyone. Not the kind of friend who can one-up you no matter what you do. Not the kind of friend who doesn’t reciprocate friendship. Not the kind of friend who isn’t a real friend. It’s time to start being a true friend. The kind of friend who texts just to check in and calls when she can. The kind of friend who means what she says and proves it every time. The kind of friend who keeps her promises and can keep a secret. The kind of friend who means it when she says you’ll hang out. The kind of friend who is actually there for you. Every time. The kind of friend who listens when she’s needed and doesn’t make the situation about her. The kind of friend who supports your decisions and celebrates your achievements louder than you do. The kind of friend who reciprocates your friendship in every sense of the word. A friend for life.
There is always room for improvement, and in the age of social media and technology, we have no reason not to improve. It is not enough to like a picture on Instagram or comment on a post on Facebook or send a snap on Snapchat. We need to stop using social media like it counts as being a friend. Being a friend is about personalized and meaningful communication—you can’t get that in the same level on social media. Your friends need you in real life, not behind a screen. Your friends need you to be the kind of friend you need and more. Don’t be afraid to do what you think is “going overboard.” Your friends might need that more than you know.
Mean what you say, keep your word, earn your friendship, and be supportive. Friendship is a two-way treat, and it’s time that we all started treating it like one.
To my friends, I love you, and I’ll see you all soon—that’s a promise I intend to keep!
