This one is a rant... about friendship.
I've never been good at making friends. I'm shy... I'm awkward... I often look like an angry bulldog because I don't smile a lot... and I get anxiety just from thinking about putting myself out there. But when I do let people in and make friends, I do so with the intention of forming deep bonds and creating a relationship that will last a lifetime. At least, that's what I thought.
In July, I picked up my things and moved across the country. My biggest fear was not making any friends (a very reasonable fear for someone like me) and I can say that almost 4 months into moving here... I haven't formed any real bonds or created any meaningful relationships. But more upsetting than that, I have realized who my real friends are back home.
Many of us have heard the terms "unconditional friendship" and "conditional friendship." Unconditional friends are the ones who are there for you, no matter what time of day, no matter how long it has been since you've spoken, no matter what, they are always there for you and have your best interest in mind. Conditional friends, on the other hand, well... to put it bluntly, they suck. They seem one way but in reality are the exact opposite. When you're present, they're great. They want to talk to you and hang out with you but as soon as you're gone, it's as if you don't exist.
Aside from moving across the country, other amazing things have happened. I proposed to my partner and it was a huge deal for me because I have always been the kind of girl who wanted to be proposed to. I always wanted something big and elaborate, but after finding the person I was meant to be with, I didn't need a huge ordeal. I just needed a private moment and a meaningful gift. After I proposed, we waited a day before posting anything on social media. And once we posted it, all hell broke loose (in the best possible way)... We received FLOODS of phone calls and texts. Normally, even a conditional friend would send a text or at least comment on your photo on Instagram. But I found that there were some people who I considered to be my best friends who didn't say a word to me... no calls... no comments... no texts... nothing.
I'm not going to lie, I wasted a lot of time being upset over it.
But why?
Why did I care so much?
Why would I let something like that interfere with my happiness? Well, let me break it down for you.
When you are tremendously close with someone and spend a good portion of your time with them and you consider them to be one of your best friends, it REALLY sucks to have them basically not care about one of the biggest and most joyous moments of your life.
Sometimes, it takes some sort of huge, life-changing event to really expose who really cares and who doesn't. After spending a week being upset and chatting with one of my friends from home, I realized that I shouldn't waste my time and energy on being upset.
"Don't let them take your joy away," he texted, "it's disheartening but it's just the way people are..."
"...out of sight, out of mind." That last text really got to me because that's exactly what I was to them. I was out of sight, and therefore out of mind.
I don't want this article to come off as me calling people out (even though I kind of am). But rather, I want people to know that there's a lot of people out there that suck BUT more importantly, there's a few diamonds who make the greatest friends. They're loyal, faithful, and they'll always like your pictures on Instagram. :P
When you find yourself in a new environment, remember that no one likes a conditional friend. Be unconditional. Love and care with all your heart. Acknowledge their joy and celebrate it as if it were your own.
Yeah, being an unconditional friend is scary and risky because you never know who's going to end up breaking your heart. But ya know what? If you're unconditional, people will sense that, and you will attract great people into your life.
Your vibe attracts your tribe, so make it a good one!
