I’ve lived a very blessed life. That’s not to brag; that’s to acknowledge that a lot of people have had it harder than I have - and for that, I’m very sorry. But I’m very thankful for the life I live, because of the people who inhabit my life.
In the last few years, I’ve experienced emotional attachment, and I’ve experienced friendship. I’ve had people claim they were my friends, and I’ve had people actually be my friends. So today, I’m writing this because I want to distinguish false friendship from the real thing, and thank those who have shown me the difference.
For one thing, real friendship is empowering. If being around someone makes you feel less valuable, less human, less like you, they are not your friend. They are a weight around your neck. They are a thief of your joy. They are not your friend. Friendship is feeling like you are more special, more worthy, and more loved after being with the other person. A friend will not make you feel like you’re a burden; they will remind you of your intrinsic worth. And you’d better believe that if someone hurt you, they’d be priming their hunting rifles.
Furthermore, if someone is unwilling to invest in you, they are not your friend. For one reason or another, they are attached to you, but in the same way, one is attached to a pair of shoes - you have your uses for them, but you have no needs of your own. You can give and give, and sure, they’ll thank you - but if you need something, they’re unavailable. And they’re not your friend. A friend doesn’t care what time it is or how long their day was.
A friend makes time for you because you’re special, worthy, and loved. Friendship is knowing that it’s okay to need something and you don’t have to be sorry for needing something. Friendship is thinking of you before thinking of themselves.
Friendship is also not passive-aggressive. If someone in your life has a problem with you and they deal with it by gossiping about you, or subtly mistreating you, they are not your friend. I repeat: friendship is not passive-aggressive. And when I say this, I don’t mean that friendship doesn’t seek counsel from the wise in times of trouble; I mean that friendship doesn’t whine about you to peers and passers-by. Friends talk to you about their problems with you because they want what’s best for you, for them, and for the friendship.
Friends do what they can to make friendships work. Friendship is talking calmly and objectively problems because you’re not perfect and they’re not perfect but the friendship is worth it.
That’s what friendship is and is not.
Now, to those of you who have shown me the difference through action, I can’t thank you enough. Fight the Fade’s “Tomorrow” urges listeners to tell the people they love what they mean to them because no one should go a day not knowing their worth. When I first heard this powerful song, I took it to heart. To those who’ve shown me what it’s like to be a true friend - whether I’ve known you for years or only a few months - I thank you for all that I am.
Be sure to tell those close to you what they mean to you, because they may not know. Personally, I owe a debt of gratitude to my friends that I am grossly unable to repay. Through you, I have seen glimpses of God’s love, and I have adored it. Know that even on my worst day, you are still my heroes.
