Let’s rewind a little bit. We’ve been best friends since middle school. I remember when my day was characterized by my irritating aura. I spent my days bothering you, and I spent my nights figuring out what to do the next day. To this day, I’m not sure how you (or really anyone) tolerated me. I spent so much of my time bothering everyone around me instead of making a pleasant presence.
We’ve been through so many boys, other friends, classes. You hated every boy I talked to, but you still stayed with me through them all. You held my hand and held me when I cried. In addition, you never failed to say that I told you so. Despite how many times I told you about him, you still insisted. No worries, though, I would be the one there to hold you when you cried.
We can’t forget our trip to West Virginia. Being so obsessed with West Virginia for so long, I just wanted my favorite person to experience it with me. We spent a week, breathing the beautiful mountain air and telling stories. We created so many memories that week.
We were walking partners at graduation. Held each other’s hand while we experience such a memorable moment. As I spoke behind the podium, I could see in your eyes, how proud you were. And when you received the honor of being salutatorian, I felt proud. You had worked so hard for all of your life.
We loved each other deeply, but something went wrong. We fought many times over the years, but we always moved on. It was never bad enough to damage our friendship too much.
At first, this angered me deeply. I picked up my phone and typed furiously into my message box. In a strongly-worded text message, I detailed all of my angers and peeves, in hopes of poking at you and forcing a response. and after a couple angry text messages without replies, I took note of my irrationality.
I sent a couple apologies, then. I explained my wronging, and I begged for your forgiveness. I still didn’t receive responses.
Maybe I needed more. So, I wrote a handwritten letter. I was leaving for college in just a couple weeks, and I wanted it resolved before then. Stil,l I received no reply.
As time continued, I sent congratulatory messages, good lucks, and more. I still remained confused. I never received a single message or acknowledgment.
Finally, I decided that maybe I needed physical confrontation to hear from you, but when I knocked on your door, and your mother told me that it wasn’t a good time, I couldn’t help but feel broken and helpless. That night, I cried harder than I’ve ever cried before in my life. I weeped and weeped, because my best friend, who knew everything about me, had rejected me, and not only had so rejected me, but I didn’t even have the honor of knowing why.
Still, I wish you the best of luck in life. I hope college is going well for you. As angered and saddened as I am, I still want you to live in good health and happiness. Though we disagreed about so much, I hope you’re still opening your mind and furthering your horizons. I hope you don’t have to experience too many losses, but that the ones you do strengthen you. I hope you will forgive me for whatever I have done to hurt you, but life goes on. Your life will continue, and so will mine.
I hope our paths cross again in the future, and I hope it’s for the better. I hope we can move on from this. I can only hope that this is temporarily, but if it isn’t— please never give up on your dreams. Please continue to breathe deeply and live fully. Please continue to open your heart and mind. Please continue living, because even if you aren’t living in my life, your presence to the rest of the world is a blessing.
