Here’s the truth: being a friend really sucks sometimes. I know that sounds harsh, but come on, you’ve all thought this at one time or another. After all, we're only human.
As I’ve grown in my existing friendships and made some new ones, I’ve learned that being a friend is quite literally a full time job. You have to listen to their problems and absorb them as your own, comfort them, and give them advice. All while trying to manage your own problems as well. It can get a bit overwhelming and exhausting to say the least, and it can be quite the load to carry.
I don’t mean to toot my own horn or anything, but I like to think I’m a pretty good friend. I’ve been told I give good advice and always know exactly what to say. I've been told time and time again that I am the mother of all my friend groups. I'm always the one to organize outings, and I cheer them on in everything that they do. To put it simply, I like to be very involved in all my friends' lives. But since I carry the weight of all my friends’ problems on my shoulders, I tend to bottle up my own and shove them aside until I eventually burst. I think this is one of the reasons why my anxiety has gotten so bad over the years. I’ve gotten so good at absorbing everyone else’s emotions and troubles that I’ve forgotten how to release my own.
What happens when the shoulder to cry on needs a shoulder to cry on? There are very few people that I can fully trust and tell all my thoughts and worries to. In fact, there may not be anyone I have completely opened up to. It’s a tough thing to do, especially when life has led me to believe that people are not who you think they are and pretty much no one can be trusted. I’m not saying that I don’t trust my friends, but some things are simply difficult to talk about. That’s why I like keeping a journal; it’s a good place to jot down my thoughts in order to try and make some sense of them.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends to death and would do anything for them, but sometimes I just want to take a vacation, you know? I want to pack my bags and leave it all in the dust so I don’t have to worry about worrying about them. Being a friend is stressful, plain and simple. But it can also be very rewarding. You have someone to share laughs with, someone to tag along to concerts and sporting events, someone who knows you like no other, and maybe even more than you know yourself sometimes.
Being a friend really sucks sometimes, but it’s also a hell of a lot of fun.
