Friendship breakups are just as awful and heart wrenching as romantic breakups, but they are not viewed within the same light. People feel worse and put out a hand when you are no longer dating or seeing a person romantically, but when you lose a friend, especially a best friend, people tell you to move on and that toxic people aren’t good to keep around.

So why is it a social norm to feel and display hurtful emotions and have it be socially acceptable to feel bad when a romantic relationship ends, but it isn’t socially acceptable or even normal to feel just as terrible when losing a friendship? I believe that people look at the two relationships like this: the romantic relationship has more intense feelings, intimacy, maybe even sexual levels, and a deeper connection. The friendship relationship has less feelings involved simply because you probably have more than one friend, and the sexual levels are left out. However, the two relationships, leaving anything sexual out of the picture, are the same.

Relationships of any sort (family, friends, romantic, etc.) take time, communication, interactions, and trust. Once those factors are broken, emotions set in. Hurt, depression, loneliness, sadness, anger, and other emotions cause life to be hard for a moment, but only a few reach out to sympathize.

My best friend and I are basically dating because we spend so much time together and she knows literally everything that my romantic partner would know too. If I ever lost her as a friend, it would feel like a breakup because we have such deep connections and conversations about life and it would be extremely difficult to lose that friendship we have developed over the year. But if that did happen, people wouldn’t feel quite as bad for me like they do when they hear that my partner and I broke up, which was only for a short time.

I think that a major reason why romantic relationships get more attention when they are broken is because people post about their relationship status on social media, talk about their love life with other people, and it is basic human nature to want to be loved and to be in love with someone. With friends, however, people don’t seem to keep up with the details. I am constantly asked, “How’s you love life?” I never get asked about my friendships or how things are going in my social circle.

I also think that as a society, people are forced to believe that in order to be happy, you must have a romantic relationship. I am wonderfully happy with furbabies, a hot cup of coffee, and a good book. It is shoved down our throats that love, sex, passion, and having a person is a necessity to live. But I disagree. I believe that it is a necessity to love and be loved in return from anyone and everyone you meet. Romantic or not, relationships are highly important and extremely valued.

Losing a close friend, or a friend in general, is difficult and it takes time to heal. People may not see it the same way, but it is okay to feel sad and hurt by the loss of a person. With time, things will always get better. Just know that it is okay to not be okay.