As someone who has been through hell and back with depression and anxiety, I have learned how necessary and fragile the conversation about these mental illnesses is.
Telling my friends about what was going on with my brain was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I felt so many emotions -- nervous, scared, sad, anxious, hopeless -- conveying these truths to the people who know me as a bubbly and bright person broke me down into a new realm of vulnerability I wasn't ready to accept. There was no way around it, though, I needed to tell them. However, once I made the leap, I was shocked by the number of open arms I landed in. These people have seen me at all hours of the day, they know exactly who I am, and were ready to continue being there for me.
Why was I so shocked? The catch with depression and anxiety is that it makes you feel as though you need to cover it up. You feel you need to buy the best foundation and concealer to be positive no one knows what is going on with you. The myth that mental illness is not to be talked about is incredibly damaging. I waited until my breaking point to finally open up about it, and had I known it was okay to do something about it right away, things could have been a lot different. One of my favorite authors said, "You will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living, breathing, screaming invitation to believe better things." This is the fuel people struggling with depression need. Trust that having people around you to lean on is vital.
But what happens when your demons get ahold of you again, and it feels like your friends don't care or aren't acknowledging what you are living with? This is the reason I sat down to write about depression and anxiety today. My people, the ones I talk to on a daily basis, are human too. They have their own issues, frustrations, and lives going on. When it feels like they aren't noticing your cues about a bad day (which for someone with depression is on the severe end of the spectrum) or hurt feelings or overwhelming anxiety, take a step back. This battle I had to accept, it is never ending. I wake up every day not knowing how my brain chemistry is going to act, but I accept the challenge and embrace what is to come.
When it feels like no one understands, take a deep breath. Remember the arms that fell open when they learned what you are going through. Maybe today they can't be there due to their own preoccupations and struggles, but that is not reason enough to give up. The battle is long and hard, but you are more than your illness. There is a hand reaching out to you somewhere, find it and hold on.
