Friends On The Other Side

As soon as you meet me, one thing is very obvious: I'm a very emotional person. I refer to myself and others who are lead by their emotions as feelers and everyone who is lead by logic and reasoning as thinkers. Most people would assume that these two types don't really get along, but I'm of the opinion that if you're a thinker or a feeler you need to have at least one close friend who is the opposite.

For a feeler, whenever we have to make a decision we are prone to make illogical choices because our mind is colored with the shades of emotions: The blues of sadness, the yellows of joy, the reds of rage, etc. The emotions are incredibly strong as such a feeler must learn to control these emotions to just live day-to-day. These emotions are so strong they can make the logical choices wrong and the illogical seem right. We worry about the emotions of the people around us, reading into how they walk, talk and stand. All these are clues we use to make what we perceive to be right choices, no matter how illogical they seem.

This is where a thinker comes in, when you have a friend who is a thinker, they pull us out of our heart and away from emotions and force us to look at situations in black and white. It's hard for us to examine anything with emotions playing into the analysis or decision but having someone you trust there to walk you through the plain simple facts and to help you to reconcile the fact that sometimes emotions have to be set aside. The good thing is that you know that thinkers will always be honest, but the bad thing is that they tend to be blunt in their honesty.

For the thinker, they don't live in an emotionless world, as described to me, they live in world where emotions are optional. Their decision process, as best I can understand, is one where they logically and objectively analyze and after that, occasionally, emotions can come into play. Thinkers can be oblivious to interpersonal cues because they aren't wired to think with emotions in their foreground. As such, they can be blunt and just unaware of how strong emotions can be and how easily they are affected. Don't get me wrong, thinkers have emotions; the unfortunate thing is that because thinkers don't deal with emotions as much, when a strong emotion surfaces even for the strongest, most capable person, it can be debilitating. A friend of mine described that when this happens the thinker becomes obsessed with it analyzing it trying to understand it when emotions are impossible to fully understand.

This is where feelers come into play. Feelers act as interpreters. We understand emotions, what they mean, what's the reasoning behind them, what could have caused them. We help them to see the shades of emotions but not to be overwhelmed by them. Most of the time the emotions that can overwhelm a thinker are normal for a feeler.

To wrap up, thinkers and feelers can operate on very different levels. One is no better than the other, in fact they thrive when they work together. Being friends with the other type forces you to grow and learn.