Why is it that while we’re aware of the many horrifying outcomes of life, we never expect any of them to happen to us? It’s not until the very moment that we’re faced with bad news that we then realize we’re no luckier than anyone else, and that it CAN in fact happen to us. Like many, I too have suffered from this delusion and am just now waking up from dreamland and facing my reality.
Earlier this week my mother was diagnosed with advanced Alzheimer’s disease. Now of course with her diagnosis being advanced, I was well aware that she was not all there and that her memory has been severely limited these past few years, but more so this summer. However, since we had not received a definite prognosis, we were skeptical of it actually being Alzheimer’s and considered other alternatives such as mental illnesses like depression or pseudodementia. While mental illness is incredibly serious, the idea of her suffering from that instead of alzheimer's left us with the hope that she’d come back. That somewhere somehow a doctor would give her the right treatment and she’d be the same woman we know and love. Unfortunately, the truth of the matter is that she’s suffering from an illness to which there is no present cure, and is estimated to live as little as one year or as long as five more. With that sort of lifespan the notion of living everyday like it’s your last comes into full effect, but more so for me than it does for her.
The past few days have made me realize the importance of enjoying every moment you spend with someone, cherishing every memory you’ve made with them, and letting them know how much you love them before it’s too late. In many ways I almost feel guilty for being the angsty teenager that I was, fighting over nonsensical bullshit like being kissed on the cheek in front of my friends or not getting a ride somewhere. I have to remind myself that it’s not like I knew those would be the last of her cognizant days, but I still can’t help but wish she’d seen a better version of me.
With that said, I urge everyone to be the best versions of yourselves to your families and loved ones, enjoy the time you’re able to spend with them, especially now as many of us are often away from home, and mostly importantly, count your blessings. For even the worst days can be made better by remembering how lucky you are to know that everyone you love is healthy and safe.
