I’ve come to realize my vulnerability is relatable. I have had a heavy heart this week so please allow me to be vulnerable for a short time.

This week has been not burdensome, but exceptionally trying. I have more going on than usual and in my selfish desire to complete tasks on my to-do list, I’ve neglected quality time with Jesus and my community has lacked. In the chaos of my family moving, everyone being busy with work and planning for what will occur in days to come, I’m coming to terms with feelings I have that I didn’t know existed. It is strange to say the least. I’m realizing my struggles and insecurities, which is tough to come to terms with, as well as realizing how my hard-heartedness toward certain situations is a direct result of things that have occurred in my past, my family’s past, etc.

I’ve been praying that God would reveal to me areas of my life that need improvement (which is certainly a never ending list) and that He would equip me to grow stronger through them. Long story short, be careful what you pray for because He has done just that. It’s not a bad thing in the slightest, however.

You know those times when there’s not necessarily anything to be sad about but you just feel like watching a sad movie for the sake of crying? You go to the movies or sit in your living room with a tub of popcorn and a package of some sort of chocolate covered candies as you watch a Nicholas Sparks or John Green movie. You without a doubt know you’re going to cry. In fact, it’s actually what you’re hoping for. Your feelings hit rock bottom. You sulk and feel extra depraved than usual and then say something along the lines of, “this is stupid. I know my value in Christ and no one or nothing can convince me otherwise.”

That’s where I’m at.

I have watched the movie, cried for an hour and come to an incredible epiphany. I know the promises of Christ. I know the truth and the victory that is mine because of Him.

I’ve gone through my days of feeling defeating and feeling sorry for myself but the sad thing is that I am the one who allowed myself to get to that place. I asked God to reveal to me areas I need to grow in and rather than giving the situations back to Him and allowing Him to do with me what He wants, I saw it as a place of being overwhelmed and unheard. I was un-expectant when praying that particular prayer but that didn’t stop God from moving by any means. He was giving me opportunity to put what I know to the test. This was an opportunity for growth—sounds exactly like what I prayed for.

My difficult week may seem minute to others that carry heavier struggles, but even more then, this truth still stands. Weighing circumstances are one of the many reasons it is important to know the truth of not only your value in Christ, but the reality of your situation. Because I know this truth, I never should have allowed myself to get to this place to begin with but that’s what happens when you don’t lean in to Jesus and remind yourself of what you already know.

I immediately began reading Psalms over myself and remembering that God has been faithful before and He will be faithful again and again.

Nothing about my week had been extravagantly different than any week before. Similar issues had been occurring for weeks, but as these issues began to surface and I wasn’t leaning on Jesus as I should have been, it was the perfect opportunity for the enemy to poke at my emotions.

God is sufficient to hold me through my heavy weeks. He’s bigger than cancer and He’s greater than my shortcomings and insecurities. He’s continually available and in His loving-kindness He never fails to reveal to me that he is bigger than my wishy-washy sentiments.