For those of you who have stumbled upon this article for its similar title to the popular Netflix movie: "To All The Boys I've Loved Before," know this article focuses on quite the opposite or theme. While the beautiful Lara Jean gets a heartthrob Peter Kavinsky, most of the time in real life, things don't happen that way. At least not for me. This story is about my personal story as a fellow awkward Asian American. Except, I don't have half as much fashion sense as Lara Jean.
During my lifetime, I've had quite a couple encounters with creepy boys or many boys of whom I did not have the pleasure to attract their attention. Understanding that many of these situations don't usually happen to people or often in general, I am very "fortunate" with my luck, but I also realize why this happens. To a high extent, I understand that I am awkward in many situations, and in order to be polite, I continue conversations although it may make me uncomfortable. In addition, I know other people do not give some socially awkward or extremely different people time of day, and I understand this myself.
And it hurts to a degree, and this hurt helps me sympathize with many socially awkward people.
I want to try to talk to them, and sometimes, they turn out to be amazing people. But, in all honesty, I understand the mentality of brushing off socially awkward people because sometimes they can be WEIRD or sometimes SCARY, making it difficult, uncomfortable, or unpleasant to hang around them. Nevertheless, there is a fine line between socially awkward and creepy. And, it is never okay to be creepy.
Creepy entails messaging you as soon as you go on Facebook no matter WHAT time of day (10 a.m. or 3 a.m., doesn't matter).
Creepy entails continuously texting you even if you don't reply.
Creepy entails finding you around school after memorizing your schedule.
Creepy entails continuously talking to you after you don't make eye contact and seem to be very uncomfortable.
Creepy entails brushing your arm very slowly down someone's back during Ballroom dance practice.
Creepy entails about really really uncomfortable topics that kill the mood of the conversation.
Creepy entails asking someone out after just meeting them and pressuring them to give you their number.
All of which happened to me at one point with different guys. Although I understand sometimes the context is different if the individual who does some of the listed above is someone you consider attractive, most of these are red flags.
As some random stranger approached me on the streets recently to get my number, I realized I am terrified of creepy boys. It scares me to get into a situation where I don't understand or know how the other individual perceives me or what the individual will do if I do not comply with their wishes. I don't understand their intentions, and I don't know if they are a good person or if they will potentially hurt me. And, to the creepy boys who have asked me out when I obviously was uncomfortable, it offends me to understand that a lot of their affection or attention is misguided.
I am sorry that I may be one of the only girls who talk to you, but you should know that just because I want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt does not mean you should take advantage of my kindness for something more. Do not fit me into your puzzle as a girlfriend piece if you know the edges don't fit you. I can almost guarantee you that I am not your perfect person, and I will not go out with you.
And, understanding that many of these boys oftentimes do not have the intention to hurt people, I do feel a bit of sympathy towards them. Sometimes they just want a friend, a girlfriend, or someone to talk to. However, I sometimes learn that sympathy can and will come with a cost. There have been multiple instances in which I have given some boys a chance and regretted it. It is sometimes debilitating to be too scared to go outside or attend the activities you love when a persistent, ill-intentioned boy will not leave you alone no matter what you say.
And you keep wondering if you are being mean to cut him out of your life although you are so scared. You pity them, and you want to help. You keep justifying that maybe you can be the person to help him branch out although you obviously know he wants something more than just a friendship. It makes you uncomfortable when they keep making advances, and deep down you are screaming why you are doing this to yourself. They make you uncomfortable, you aren't interested, but you just feel bad.
To all you creepy boys, everyone deserves to be loved, and you are worthy of finding someone who really cares about you.
However, do not confuse my kindness for something more.
I can ensure you that I am not interested. I am not the one who will give you that. If she isn't interested, leave her alone. And, if the girl is socially awkward but also not about it, do not take advantage of her passivity or her fear of confrontation. Shame on you if you do, and please. Leave. Her. Alone.
To all the girls that had to experience a similar scenario, I am sorry, and I know it can be scary.
In my opinion, you are not being a bad person if you don't want to give them your number or hang out with them. Be firm to them if it means protecting yourself and stick up for yourself. I know sometimes you can be stopped by fear of confrontation. Tell them to leave you alone because your mental health is more important. Know that you shouldn't blame yourself if you can't help them.
