"Ten minutes with a genuine friend is better than years spent with anyone less.” - Crystal Woods
College, it's the time of your life when you are supposed to meet the girls who will become your bridesmaids. Starting college, I was that young girl eager to find the few girls who would be my forever friends, and eventually my bridesmaids. I made a few good friends the first year, and even more the second, but along the way, I lost someone very valuable to me. I found once I arrived at college that I had no real idea about who I was, where I was going, or what I wanted out of life, and along the journey of coming to terms with who I was, I made some mistakes.
You only meet a few people in your life that you will click with instantly, and she was one of them. We could talk for hours about anything, or just sit and do nothing. In short, she was the only person at college who I let see the real me, and although she's not by my side today I think of her often. I wanted to write this as a sort of closure to my thoughts about this situation, and to tell other girls that it is okay to lose friends on the journey of finding yourself.
Flashback to January of 2016, I was a 21 year old, newly single girl making poor decisions left and right. I found that crazy college experience, and I honestly let it destroy me. I found out in this short period of time who was honestly there for me, and who wasn't. It killed me to find that my partner in crime and best friend could not stand by me or the decisions I was making and instead decided to take herself out my life. Even shortly after her making this decision, I continued to spiral out of control.
Fast forward to March of 2016, I had received help and love from family members and medical professionals to deal with issues that I was having both mentally and physically. I found that I was not happy with the woman I was becoming and I decided to make some changes. I cleared my life of anyone or anything toxic, and found myself for myself. It was a journey, and I wish she could have been by my side through it.
Current time: November 2016, I saw you in the 'friends you might know' section and I contemplated hitting add. Yet I could not bring myself to do it. It really sucks that you left me when I needed you the most and I would have never done that to you. But I understand why, and still to this day wish I could change the decisions I made. Just know that you will forever be someone that I look back at with love, and grace. I hope your life becomes all that you hope for, and more. No matter where you go, or who you're with just know that I appreciate the wake up calls you gave me. They may not have been heard at the time, but now I completely understand the decisions you made. I am so sorry I hurt you and the people around you with my destructive behavior. There will probably never be words for you to forgive me, but just know that I am not that person, nor do I ever want to be her again.
Continue to let your light shine, and please try to remember me for who I actually am, not who I was during that time in my life. May your life be well, and just know that I will forever be thankful for you.
