To My Best Friend Who Lost His Dad Too Soon,

“Death Leaves a heartache no one can heal, Love leaves a memory no one can steal.” - From a headstone in Ireland.

I want to start this letter off by thanking you and your father. Thomas, you’ve been my rock through some of the hardest times of my life and your dad was the same way. He was, in a way, a second father to me and I am blessed to have experienced his love first hand. Your dad was an amazing man and I’m not the only one who can tell you that. Whether it was watching us while your mom and my parents traveled or dragging us in a wagon from house to house on Halloween, he was always there. He raised you into the amazing person you are today and I have him to thank for giving me such an incredible person to call my best friend.

I know it’s been awhile since he passed but, I also know it’s something that sticks with you for a long time. When my mom first told me about your dad passing I didn’t know how to react; he was so young and so healthy that it just didn’t make any sense to me. You and I had an easy friendship where we could go ages without talking and still start right where we left off when we saw each other again. Walking into your house that day and seeing you and your family was one of the hardest things i’ve ever done in my life. I remember walking straight to you and hugging you and crying. I remember you crying too, one of the only times I actually saw you cry about it.

Your dad raised you to be the kind of person who takes care of everyone else before taking care of themselves, a fact that was very clear the day of his funeral. You were so brave that day as you stood in front of so many people who admired him and told story after story. You stayed strong, laughing and smiling, when even I spent the day sobbing. When we were at his grave, saying goodbye for the last time, you weren’t crying with your family but making sure everyone else was okay. We had a little group hug; you, Zach, and myself. We joked about how we were almost like the Harry Potter Trio and you and Zach fought over who would be Harry. I’ll always remember that hug because it was the first time I saw you cry that day.

You’ve always been such a strong person and I’ve always admired you so much for it. You always found a way to find something to be happy about, even when it seemed like your world was coming crashing down. You don’t talk about how much it hurts that he’s gone very often but I know you well enough to know that it does. I remember every time you opened up to me about it because you didn’t do it very often. I remember spending a lazy Sunday with you watching movies, a little ritual we had, and I remember you telling me out of nowhere that it hurt the most when you were alone. I think that one sentence crushed me more than anything else in my life ever has.

I promised myself from that moment on, I would never let you feel alone again. I hope I did a good job at that but you and I both know I’m not very good at keeping up with communication. I tried to make it to as many of your lacrosse games as I could and tried to be there for you whenever you needed me. I hope you know that if you ever needed me to I would be home faster than the legal speed limit would allow and that I’ll be there for every big event in your life, even if you don’t want me to be; every senior night, your graduation, your wedding, I’ll be there.

You always knew who was actually there for you though. We once talked about how you could tell who was being your friend because they actually care and who was being your friend because they wanted to be friends with the kid whose dad died. It made me angry to think of anyone trying to take advantage of you like that but made me proud to know you knew the difference between the two. You were always good at telling the fakes from the real ones and I was always jealous of you for that.

I know how much the loss took a toll on your family. I know your mom likes having a lot of people over, especially on holidays, because it makes your house seem fuller. I noticed the stocking you still hang for your dad and the pictures you take with a little space left for where he would usually stand. I know Tracey struggles with it a lot and Tracey I hope you know I’m always a phone call away. Your family was there for me through my parents divorce, through the loss of the most important person in my life, through my struggle with depression, and I hope they know I’ll always be there for them too. I’ll always come home to be with you guys on the holidays, even if my friends beg me to celebrate with them in Buffalo; I wouldn’t dare miss ending and starting every year with you guys.

Thomas, I hope you know that you are never really alone. I know you’ve never been super religious and you know that I always have been; I want you to know that your dad is always watching over you and I promise that you are making him so proud. Although he might not physically be there he is gonna see you play that final high school lacrosse game, he’s gonna see you graduate, he’s gonna be there for that first day at Ithaca and the day you make some very lucky girl your wife. He wouldn’t miss it for the world.

Your dad was an amazing man and you are following right in his footsteps. So again I want to thank him for raising you to be the most amazing little brother and best friend I could ever have.