When I left I wasn’t thinking about you. I was selfish – so determined to get far away from there. I didn’t think about the people I was leaving behind... I mean I did, but I guess I wasn’t thinking straight at the time. Our friendship had already changed so much at that point that so I kind of just gave up.
That was my first mistake.
It's been six months since I left.
I haven't see you in six months, Hell I've barely even talked to you...That's still so crazy to me.
It kind of sucks, speaking honestly. A year ago, we were driving two hours to visit each other – to go to concerts, kayaking and fishing. Regardless of the distance we talked every single day – about work, TV shows, and even about how bad your face hurt after you got your wisdom teeth out (still the funniest snapchats I've received to this day).
But somehow in the course of 12 months, we lost that. We are not nearly as close now and I hate that. I mean it is what it is, I understand that. Realistically I am probably to blame, but for what it's worth I really do wish our friendship never changed.
You really did get me through a lot freshman year. I honestly don’t think I would have made it without you. You were the only one that got it. Maybe it was the fact that we lived across the hall from each other, maybe it was the all-nighters spent doing homework (ranting about anything and everything) in GHH, or maybe it was chance, but at the end of the day you just got me. I could trust you - count on you. You don’t always find that in people and I am eternally grateful.
We used to talk about living together after college and I always imaged you by my sideat my wedding (probably to catch me if I tripped walking down the isle or something).
You were the saddest goodbye come the end of our freshman year and at that point I knew I was going to see you in a few weeks and then again in the fall. When I left for good I don’t think I ever really said goodbye – the idea of saying goodbye to you scared me. I didn’t want to let go of the remains of our once so perfect friendship. Looking back, I should have said something to you, but I am still glad that I never said goodbye – I was never going to let myself say goodbye to our friendship.
I hope some day we can find that friendship again.
When all is said and done, I may have wanted to leave that place behind...but I never wanted to leave you behind with it.
