With a new semester on the horizon, it’s important for both freshman and upperclassmen to know whether or not they actually connect with other human beings in their “friend group.” Actually, it’s important for everyone, regardless of age, to know the difference between a fake and a real friend. I have always been very fortunate to have wonderful friends who support and love me unconditionally through both high school and college. However, I, too, have been victim of the fake friend. So, here are some signs to look out for:

They’re a fake friend if….

1. They don’t ask you how you are in person.

It’s super simple. You see your friend, they ask how you are. As humans, we naturally make small talk to ask how anyone from friends to acquaintances are. If someone you think is your friend doesn’t even ask how you’re doing and simply go in to their day, they aren’t worth your time.

Common courtesy is a huge thing. Even if they’ve had a bad day, a true friend will still ask.

2. They only talk about themselves.

Have you ever met that person that just keeps talking and never shuts up? Well, this type of fake friend never stops talking about themselves. There’s nothing wrong with talking too much, by any means; however, if a person fails to acknowledge anything you have said in your conversation, they’re probably not worth your time.

For example, I once I had a friend who simply changed the subject whenever I would talk to him. Instead of actually caring about my response to his questions or comments, he used them as a transition to another thought that he had.

Him: Is the sky blue today?

Me: No, it’s really more of a grey.

Him: Yeah, blue has always been my favorite color…

Obviously that is an extremely general example, but you would be surprised how many people actually hold conversations in this way. If you realize that your “friend” has not identified a single word you’ve said any time you’ve spoken, it’s probably an appropriate time to bid them goodbye.

3. They ignore you in a group of their other friends.

Sure, someone may actually listen to the words you say when you two speak. They may ask how you are every day. But what about when they’re with other friends? Are you suddenly still as important as you were before? Whether you know the group of their comrades surrounding you or not, a friend should still acknowledge your existence. If they leave you alone with a group of people you don’t know when you are clearly uncomfortable—or even when you’re not—and have no intention of returning within the next minute or two, they probably don’t care enough about you to keep them as a friend.

A real friend will also at least try to include you in the conversation with their other comrades. Whether or not you can keep up the conversation with these individuals is irrelevant—but will your friend at least try to keep you involved? It’s extremely important, especially in a group of people where you know few to no other people, that your friend keeps you engaged, as well.

4. They put you in uncomfortable situations.

Never, ever, ever remain friends with someone that makes you feel uncomfortable in any way. Better yet, never go near that person ever again.

Some of you are probably reading this saying: “Duh. That’s obvious. I know that peer pressure is something to avoid.” Sure, consciously you may. But when you feel strongly about a person in a friendly way, or if you want someone to like you, that conscious information is going to be completely overruled by your subconscious need to fit in. Sadly, society brainwashed our generation and those before us to want to be accepted. Whether you consciously know you can say no to peer pressure and subconsciously giving in is very different.

In these situations, you have to remember that consciousness. If you feel uncomfortable-- I don’t care if it’s the simplest request from them-- walk away. Because that’s how it starts. Something as simple as them pressuring you into having another drink or ditching class to hang out will start a habit that you do not want to get into.

A real friend will never pressure you into something that you do not want to do.

5. They do not support your life decisions, even if they disagree with them.

There’s a difference between giving helpful opinions and flat out undermining your choices.

Everyone goes through periods of hard life decisions. It’s impossible to avoid, especially as young adults. What major should I be? Should I have broken up with my boyfriend? Should I be spending that much money on my apartment?

The point is: friends are there so you don’t have to question yourself alone.

If your friend automatically labels your choices as idiotic or wrong, chances are they will refuse to listen to any reasoning you have about your choice. For whatever reason, they will not support you. And the point of being a friend is to support each other. Even if they disagree—and it is not wrong to tell your friend that you disagree with their decision—it is wrong to make you feel bad about your choice and neglect your reasoning.

As people, we need to remember that everyone thinks differently. No one has the same mind. Even if you somehow managed to switch minds with your friend for a day, you would still be thinking their thoughts through your perceptions.

Take this conversation as an example:

You: I’ve decided to be a Theater major.

Friend: You’re never going to make any money.

You: Well I can actually do---

Friend: You should do something else. I’m pre-med and I’m going to make a lot of money.

Or:

You: I slept with my ex again.

Friend: Well that was stupid.

You: But I feel so much better when I’m with him.

Friend: Yeah, but you shouldn’t have done that. That was the worst thing you could have done.

Now, let’s look at those conversations as if a real friend responded:

You: I’ve decided to be a Theater major.

Friend: Are you sure you’re going to be able to make enough money to support yourself?

You: Yeah, actually. I can train in more than one area. I’m also going to obtain special certifications to work in more technical areas.

Friend: Oh, okay. That definitely would help you. But do you think maybe you should add another major, too, just in case?

You: Maybe. I’ll think about it.

Friend: Okay. I’m glad you decided on a major, though!

And:

You: I slept with my ex again.

Friend: Oh my gosh. Why?

You: I feel so much better when I’m with him.

Friend: I know you do….but do you remember how awful he made you feel when you guys broke up?

You: Yeah. But maybe he wants to get back together?

Friend: I don’t know. Be careful. Find out for sure what he wants, and what you want.

While of course these are generalizations for how a conversation would go, the differences are clear. Believe it or not, some “friends” actually will try to mock your decisions in the way I stated above. It has happened to me. It will happen to other people. The best you can do is try to avoid it. If someone won’t even try to understand, move on and find someone who will.

Finding friends to rely on helps us grow as socialized beings and as individuals. I know sometimes it may seem impossible, but genuine people exist. As the school year begins for many of us, remember that if someone exhibits one or more of the fake friend qualities, I guarantee there are five more people out there who will not.