It's happened to most people. Suddenly you're no longer speaking to someone you used to call your best friend. It can be hard. It's easy to internalize the feelings that come after a breakup with a friend. Since the ends of friendships are often discredited, being considered less devastating than romantic breakups, it's easier to push negative feelings aside with a lousy excuse or without explanation entirely. The phrase "we just grew apart" caps most friendships I've seen, whether that's the truth or not. With romantic relationships, most people are either in it for the long run or have the knowledge that they're not going to last forever. However, with friends, you never plan on leaving them. You never have the thought, "well, it's marriage or we break up I guess." It's you and them; BFFs. You share every secret, putting everything into a relationship that you don't plan on ending. Then suddenly it's over, and you're lost in the whiplash of "Well, what do I do now?"
I've had friendships with endings I can't place because we honestly grew apart. I have had friendships that separated because of a disagreement, though neither party would admit it. I've had friendships that broke me a little when they ended. Friends that I wasn't ready to lose, but lost anyway. Looking back, I think that the friendships in my life that have ended were ended for good reasons. Some of them were toxic, and losing those people was for the better. Unfortunately, realizing that you ended a toxic friendship isn't the same as getting over it.
If you're still trying to move on after an ended friendship, here's my advice:
1. Don't push aside those feelings or ignore them.
They're valid, and you're valid for acknowledging them. No matter how the situation ended, if you're grieving, let yourself grieve. Look into yourself, acknowledge your feels and let them go. Don't focus on them. Pushing all of your negative feelings onto this person can feel relieving at first, but will end up ruining fonder memories. If they truly were your friend, then you had great moments together. Try not to ruin those with hindsight.
2. Think about the reasons that the friendship ended, but also think about the good things that you gained from that situation.
Did you gain confidence with that person? Have you gained a stronger sense of independence since they've left? Take those good memories and life lessons and carry them with you, but don't let the negative aspects tag along. Don't let the issues, the hurt feelings, lies, and lingering guilt follow you into new endeavors.
3. In the end, keep the good and learn from the bad.
I don't want to say that these friend breakups are just lessons learned because, truth be told, there's so much more to them than that. I do mean that moving on can be hard and that breakups from friends can be just as difficult as having to say goodbye to a romantic partner; allow yourself the same process, and it will get better.
