Life can quickly become stressful. It is essentially inevitable, but for some people, it can feel like a battle they were unwillingly drafted into.
They want to be social and go out, but for some reason, they are unable to have the energy to get out of bed for the fourth day in a row. They will glance across their room to see that the piles of untouched paperwork have made a mountain on their desk, or realize that they’ve forgotten to send those important emails and write those letters that they have been meaning to. The only light that has come in contact with their dark room in days is the glare from the computer screen. Loneliness quickly consumes their soul and the confusing feeling of lethargy cannot be described to anyone except in the terms of feeling “weird” or “tired.”
These people want to go out and be social, but they know it will take all of their energy to climb out of bed, so they make the choice to hide under the covers and watch as the vicious cycle continues.
I know because this was the exact thing that happened to me.
As someone who struggles with clinical depression, I was told I had to take medication to make myself feel better. I always felt that was weak for having to take medicine. I kept telling myself that so many of my friends got by without having to take any, so why do I have to be the odd one? Admittedly, I didn’t really understand what was wrong with me, or why I was different from my peers. I certainly don’t want to be sad and lonely, so why was I? There have been many times where I am around the people who I love the most, yet I still don’t feel fulfilled.
So why was I the one who was chosen to have depression? It took me a long time to realize that my brain just wasn't making the proper chemicals it needed to. In reality, everyone's brain is supposed to have a certain amount of serotonin levels.
My brain just doesn't.
Maybe someday I won't need to take medication and my brain will be trained to make those chemicals that I need on its own. Until my brain is able to make the chemicals I need to help me feel better, I know that store bought serotonin is fine. It took me awhile to realize that I need to take medication for my brain because my brain is part of my body. Body parts can break down and sometimes need medicine to help them heal. I wouldn’t deny myself painkillers after surgery, or prescriptions to fix a virus; so why should I deny my brain the same amount of care that I provide the rest of my body?
I didn't get diagnosed officially until my freshman year of college, although my family and I saw glimpses of signs earlier. Admittedly, I should have gone to the doctors sooner. Though, I'm not kicking myself for not. I'm proud of my story. I'm proud of all the sad times because it makes the happy times that much sweeter. In these few months, I've learned more about myself than I ever thought I could have. To people like me, don’t be ashamed of your story, for it will inspire many others.
I'm not saying that eliminating the stigma has anything to do with openly discussing when your last mood swing or panic attack was. All I am saying is that acceptance starts with ourselves. We are not part of the stigma. We are successful, capable, and skilled. If we can educate and make others aware of the bravery and strength it takes to combat mental illnesses' daily, then maybe, finally, the stigma will be eliminated.
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” — Martin Luther King Jr.
