I Found Someone, At The Most Unexpected Time And The Least Expecting Person

I Found Someone, At The Most Unexpected Time And The Least Expecting Person

And I am the happiest I have ever been.
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I found someone who makes me happy.

Someone who makes me feel like I am a work of art, neatly painted together with imperfections, impurities and true beauty. A work of imperfect perfection and I am proud of that. I found someone who has me as their top priority no matter what anyone else says or does about it. This someone is very proud of me, supports me, and always put me on the top of their priority list.

To them, my goals are achievable, as real and tangible as I want them to be. My goals and dreams are right in front of me. I just have to reach out and touch them, taste them, and I have my biggest cheerleader on my side. This courageous person sees far beyond my insecurities, fears, and past. They see nothing but my future, my strengths, and my heart of gold.

I found someone who makes me smile. I smile in the mirror everyday not only because I like what I see, I like what I feel. My heart is whole, and my eyes radiate love. This person wakes up and does all they do for me every single day. Someone who makes me feel like a fierce boss babe. Because I am.

Someone who knows me inside and out without question or prompting. Someone who takes care of me physically and mentally. Being taken care if is an incredible feeling promoting a healthy life. I'm very happy. Unconditional love is all I receive along with forgiveness, compassion, and understanding. No one's perfect but being unconditionally accepted is something I can get used to for a lifetime.

Oh, you think I found a man? Well, no. I didn't find a man. I don't need a man to make me a top priority, treat me well, and make me happy. Especially when I can do that all myself.

I found the most special, strong, amazing young woman in the world. I found the most unsuspecting person in this world at the strangest time.

I found myself.

In order to be truly and beautifully happy with anyone, you have to be happy with yourself first.

And I am the happiest I have ever been.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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I Ghosted My Old Self For 5 Months In An Effort To Reevaluate My Life

My life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

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BREAKING (not fake) NEWS: It's true, you have to hit your lowest before hitting your highest.

I want to share my lowest with you, and I'm almost ashamed to say it had nothing to do with the loss of both of my parents. I like to think I handled that like a warrior.

Turns out I didn't, and the hurt I've been burying from that hit me all at once, the same moment my life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

My life flipped upside down overnight back in August. I had my heart broken shattered, lost two very important friendships that I thought were with me until the end, lost my 9-5 job, my health took a hit stronger than a boulder, and I was absolutely lost. For the first time, ever, I let go of the reigns on my own life. I had no idea how to handle myself, how to make anyone around me happy, how to get out of bed or how to even begin the process of trying to process what the f*ck just happened. I was terrified.

Coming from the girl who never encountered a dilemma she couldn't fix instantaneously, on her own, with no emotional burden. I was checked out from making my life better. So I didn't try. I didn't even think about thinking about trying.

The only relatively understandable way I could think to deal with anything was to not deal with anything. And that's exactly what I did. And it was f*cking amazing.

I went into hiding for a week, then went on a week getaway with my family, regained that feeling of being loved unconditionally, and realized that's all I need. They are all I need. Friends? Nah. Family. Only. Always.

On that vacation, I got a call from the school district that they wanted me in for an interview the day I come home. It was for a position that entailed every single class, combined, that I took in my college career. It was a career that I had just gotten my degree for three months before.

I came home and saw my doctor and got a health plan in order. I was immediately thrown into the month-long hiring process for work. I made it a point to make sunset every single night, alone, to make sure I was mentally caught up and in-check at the same exact speed that my life was turning. I was not about to lose my control again. Not ever.

Since August, I have spent more time with family than ever. I've read over 10 new books, I've discovered so much new music, I went on some of my best, the worst and funniest first dates, I made true, loyal friends that cause me zero stress while completely drowning me in overwhelming amounts of love and support, I got back into yoga, and I started that job and damn near fell more in love with it than I ever was for the guy I lost over the summer.

But most importantly, I changed my mindset. I promised myself to not say a single sentence that has a negative tone to it. I promised myself to think three times before engaging in any type of personal conversation. I promised myself to wake up in a good mood every damn day because I'm alive and that is the only factor I should need to be happy.

Take it from a girl who knew her words were weapons and used them frequently before deciding to turn every aspect of her life into positivity — even in the midst of losing one of my closest family members. I have been told multiple times, by people so dear to me that I'm "glowing." You know what I said back? F*ck yes I am, and I deserve to.

I am so happy with myself and it has nothing to do with the things around me. It's so much deeper than that, and I'm beaming with pride. Of myself. For myself.

I want to leave you with these thoughts that those people who have hurt me, left me, and loved me through these last couple of months have taught me

Growth is sometimes a lonely process.
Some things go too deep to ever be forgotten.
You need to give yourself the permission to be happy right now.
You outgrow people you thought you couldn't live without, and you're not the one to blame for that. You're growing.
Sometimes it takes your break down to reach your breakthrough.

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

My god, it's so f*cking good.

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Self-Care: The Best Care

"I thought I was fine, and now I'm actually great."

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"Hindsight's always 20/20"


It's something I've heard myself say a lot. Especially more recently. Looking ahead into 2019 and what I want out of it has led to a lot of looking back. And really it's not just looking back, but knowing from the faults and improving upon them.

If we're being honest, I've looked back and come to the realizations about how I could've taken better care of myself and lived my life better. I know now that my self-care fell. It slowly declined over time and somehow I just failed to notice. I thought to make myself look better or keeping myself busy helped to keep my mind on track of the spinning world I could barely catch up with. I didn't pay enough attention to what self-care is and more of, I wasn't really keeping track of how to make sure I'm taking care of myself- physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Self-care is about seeing yourself as you are and improving upon who you already are.

But more than that- self-care is more than just looking after yourself. It's more than checking in once in a while to make sure you're still okay. Or that you're doing better than you were. It's more than looking good, it's dragging yourself out of bed and dragging yourself to the gym.

It's more than looking good, it's dragging yourself out of bed and dragging yourself to the gym.

Self-care isn't something that's particularly emphasized in schools and society, itself. But, that doesn't make it any less important. And with the change of the new year, people have created these ways to better themselves and make the new year better than the previous. We, as a society, use all of these goals and resolutions to help us, but more often than not, they don't stick. We tell ourselves that we'll get healthier, or lose weight, or eat healthier, or be happier.

But really, resolutions don't really have to do with our mental health. More often than not, they deal with how we can better ourselves physically, rather than mentally or emotionally. Emotional and mental health is overlooked many times and we as a society are still new to seeing mental health as something that's real and very valid. It takes an effort to check in on yourself and your mental health.

An effort that isn't always easy to read, but one which places you in a better state and is so so so so worth it. Trust me, I get it. I'm not the best at learning to read my own emotional and mental health and I'm convinced that I've let it slide or pretended that I'm doing better than I am, simply not recognizing where I was in my mental and emotional states.

I, like most other people, have my new year's resolutions. But I know that besides including my own physical goals, I want to include goals of bettering my own emotional and mental health. Despite that, it still is the beginning of the new year and I, much like, most people still have what feels like all the motivation to actually pursue my goals, I'm also determined to know myself, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

And last year was okay… I'll be the first to admit it. I honestly thought that I was fine and now I'm actually great. I'm excited about this new semester and year- waiting to see what lies ahead of me.

"I thought I was fine, and now I'm actually great."

But my point is that self-care is more important than we think. It's more than thinking you're "great". More than passing off as doing well if you're struggling. Be more in tune with yourself and determined to change what isn't working. Be conscious of when you need to take a step back and ask, "am I really okay?". Make more effort to eat better, lose those few pounds, or even just dragging yourself to the gym. New Year's resolutions are about more than physically taking care of yourself and not seeing the "whole you". Make 2019 the year of seeing you for all that you are.

After all, hindsight is always 20/20.

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