Growing up a Christian, I have always been told and understood that God's got things, but I have the personality type where I need to have control. I don't like it when I'm not in charge or when I feel like I can't fix or control a situation.
A few days ago, I was in the library studying for a big midterm that I felt very unprepared for. I was hungry and exhausted and had already read over 100 pages in my American Government textbook. My stomach felt like it was eating itself and my brain felt like Jello. I was getting angry and overwhelmed that I couldn't read as fast as I wanted to read, my extreme desire for fast food was all I could think about and my lack of sleep was causing my eyes to focus in and out and in and out. As I was reading, I looked to my phone to see that I had received a notification from my Sprinkle of Jesus app. I opened my phone and read the message that stated "People watch you surviving and wonder why you haven't lost your mind. Make sure you tell them Jesus." All of a sudden, waves of peace and realization crashed into me. I couldn't get through this without giving it all up to God. I can't get through this test, I can't get through college and I certainly can't get through life thinking that I am the one in control. I slumped down into my seat and just started praying- not for a good grade on my test, (because God can't magically tell my professor to give me a good grade) but for the strength to focus until I read all the chapters I needed to read and for the peace to recognize that I have done the best that I can. I thanked Him profusely for speaking to me tonight through the creators and writers of the Sprinkle of Jesus app and for reminding me to prioritize his Word and prayer into my daily schedule.
Here I was, sitting here barely surviving and about to lose my mind, but I found Jesus again in that library and the peace of the Lord has been flowing through me ever since. Yes there are times of stress, but every time I can feel myself getting to the place in my head that I felt in that library that night, I remind myself that God will take care of things and use me as an instrument as long as I open up and allow him.
The Bible is slowly becoming my most used application and I have quickly replaced nightly scrolls through my Twitter feed with nightly scrolls through the Gospel. If I constantly believe that I am in charge, that I know what's best and that I don't need to take the time to be still and listen, I will fail to live up to the potential that He has for me. So shoutout to my professor for scheduling a test the night that the Sprinkle of Jesus app said what it said and shoutout to God for allowing that all to piece together so that I could give it all up to Him again that one night in the library.
