For twelve whole years, dance was my way of life. I spent hours upon hours at my studio every week and somehow managed to stay involved at school and in other activities. But nothing ever came before dance. My whole life and every social event I had was structured around when I did and did not have dance. I never missed it because it was where I went to get away.
At the end of my senior year of high school, I was stuck in a decision on whether or not I continued my journey with dance or parted ways and began a new chapter of my life. There were many pros and cons to the decisions I could have made. If I continued with dance, I most likely would have minored in it and taken a business route in hopes of one day opening my own studio.
However, in the end, I thought it was in my best interest to part ways with it. I stopped dancing to focus on the other parts of my life I had lined up, and other opportunities I had found myself in when I had branched out a couple years before then. I was getting ready to apply to try out for the U20 US Women's team for Ultimate Frisbee. Something I never ever even thought I would get a chance to do. If I had continued with dance, this opportunity would not have been even an option because I would have chosen dance, and would have stopped playing Ultimate in order to refocus on dance once more.
It also freed up my time. I could go do things at night with friends now. I did not have to be up late struggling to fit my last few homework assignments instill in my tights and leotard. I was able to breathe. It was a breath of fresh air I had been looking for quite some time. And the first few months of not dancing was great. I loved it. It was a much-needed break, perhaps that was all I needed though.
At the time, I didn't realize how much of an impact it played on my life. Not just physically in terms of health and time management, but emotionally. Dance was my outlet. If something was happening in my life that I did not know the answer to or was upset over, I knew I could go to my studio and dance for five hours straight to forget all about it.
Now, when something happens I have to find other ways to deal with it because I don't have a studio I can go to. I don't have the flexibility or the time anymore to go dance. And while working out and playing Ultimate definitely have become another source for me, I find that nothing will ever quite add up to the amount of emotional support dance gave me.
I still count to eight in my head whenever I hear a good beat, and I still choreograph to all of the Top 40 hits whenever I'm listening to the radio. I've lost my splits and my kicks aren't as high, but I'll always be able to do a turning combo if my dance teacher ever needed me to again. I'm a dancer at heart, even if my head has moved on.
