"Forgive and forget, not revenge and regret."

Everyone has heard that quote at least once in their life. While there is definitely truth behind it, I don't think it really captures the whole process of forgiving and letting go. This quote puts all of the responsibility on the person that was hurt. The way I see the process, letting go is a two way street. The person who was hurt is in charge of forgiving, but the person who did the hurting has the job of "forgetting," which means they have to convince the person they hurt to trust them again.

Forgiveness. Forgiving is never easy. If we forgive someone, it feels like we're saying that what they did to us is okay when in reality, forgiveness is mostly about you. Forgiveness allows you to stop thinking all day about what the person did to you. It stops your heart from hurting at night, keeping you up. Whenever you see their name pop up on your Twitter feed, forgiveness keeps you from getting mad no matter what the tweet says. It also opens your mind and your heart to the person who hurt you. I'm not saying it's easy, I'm saying it's important. If it takes a few months to do it, that's okay! Take it one step at a time.

Forgetting. So many people have said to me, "Why can't you just forgive me already?" when in reality I have forgiven them. The reason they think I haven't is because I don't open up to them anymore or tell them all of the things I used to. This is why the forgetting part of the quote is up to them; I can forgive you but I have to also protect myself from you hurting me again. It'll take time to rebuild that trust. I can't just say, "Okay, I forgive you!" and completely trust you again. You have to show me that it's okay to trust you again.

For me, this way of thinking also helps with the situations where the person who hurt you isn't sorry. You can forgive them and let it all go, let yourself be free. If the person isn't sorry or doesn't want to fix things, they won't do their part. You did everything in your power. It's all on them now.