I know from experience that sitting there waiting for an apology that you are dying to hear can drive you crazy. You did everything right, and they still chose to break you, lie to you or just not care about the way they acted. How can your best friend sit there and lie to you after you have been friends for years? How can your boyfriend treat you that way?
Forgiveness is one of the hardest things a person has to deal with, and it doesn’t come easy. I think the best way to handle this situation is to decide if the apology is really necessary. Yes, it is what you want to hear, but realizing that you might not ever get it is the first step to healing. Sometimes waiting and waiting only hurts you in the end, and you will never be able to let it go. They didn’t apologize and it's still crappy, but sometimes you have to remember that even when people do apologize, you still won’t forgive them even if that’s what you desperately want to do.
I know exactly what you’re thinking: “They don’t deserve it.” “They really didn’t mean it.” They might never understand what they did or how they ruined your friendship or relationship, but I can tell you that you deserve to be able to move on with your life and to be happy again. You don’t have to tell them or ever talk to them again if you don’t want to. You especially don’t have to do it for them -- you do it for yourself.
It’s too much emotional energy on you to stay in such a hurtful place. I can promise you it won’t happen overnight. I believe that you have to do the inner work to make yourself move on, and then you really won’t need an apology after all. Once this situation happens, you will have a different perspective of this person. You begin to question if staying their friend or in the relationship is even worth it after what they did. Do you leave or do you mend what was broken? Remember that what people do, say, and how they act is a reflection of who they are, not who you are.
When this person doesn’t apologize for what they did, they sometimes hope you don’t notice, and that is a reflection on their character. I have realized that I am terrible at waiting for apologies; I wait for it, but not to forgive the person but to see if they are somewhat of a trustworthy person. It’s never been about the apology for me. It’s about getting to see if they actually care for me. I feel like lots of people are in the same position, and it’s not the easiest thing in the world.
Here is my advice to you: forgiveness does not mean that you have to completely trust this person, and if you can mend the relationship, that's great! Be friendly and kind but don't deal with them or the crap they are bringing into your life. Forgiveness will only help you in the long run; you will eventually begin to be happy and not have to deal with the hurt and stress anymore. Not apologizing is that person's problem, not yours. You need to be able to carry on without ever having the other person say that they are sorry for what they have done.
If you can mend the relationship without having the apology, that is great, but sometimes it can’t be done. You don’t have to have this apology to move on with your life or to feel happy again. It’s time to be happy for once. Just don’t wait for the apology that’s never going to come -- advice coming from the girl who waited too many times.
