If you have ever experienced true loss, my heart is with you.

There have been things that brought me down in life. I mean come on nothing is perfect. I have only felt a pain I couldn't explain once in my life, I have only felt like the world around me stopped and I had no where to turn to once in my life. I was 17-years-old when my one of the people I loved the most in the world didn't wake up from a nap on a calm Thursday afternoon. When I got home that day, I had a gut feeling that something was wrong. My parents were being short with me, and I got a text from my cousin telling me how sorry she was. Something for me just wasn't sitting well.

The day became humid and gloomy as if the universe was warning me about what was about to happen. It wasn't until I opened the front door of my house to see the broken hearted look on my mother's face that I knew my life was about to change drastically.

The words that she forced out of her mouth were the most heart breaking words I have ever heard. I didn't believe her, I thought it was a mistake. My grandfather? Gone?

It can't be.I felt like someone ripped the ground from under me. It was the first time I had lost anyone. I was broken and confused. I had just received a text from him that morning saying he loved me, how does that happen? Why does it happen?

I didn't know what to feel, what to say, or who to say anything to.

My world had become this dark place that I couldn't escape, I felt like no one understood the way I felt. I was so lost in myself that I didn't know how to react when people said, "I'm sorry for your loss." I had this anger in my heart, this confusion in my head, I was mad at the world from taking him from me. I was jealous of my baby sister. I would've done anything to sit there on the church pew and feel as if the world around me wasn't crumbling. Her four year old self thought he was taking a trip to the sky and catching the next train back. How I wish I had her mentality at that time.

I swore I was the only one who lost him, I thought I was the only one whose heart broke in to a million pieces. I forgot to think about the men that lost a father that day.

It took me a little less than three years to understand what happened to my family that day, to finally be okay and accept that it was his time to go.

Dealing with loss is hard on and different for everyone, some people work through it and some people like me, let it stir me up for years before I am capable of accepting it. It took me so long to understand that me wanting him here was selfish. But it was his time to go, and I have learned to appreciate the days I had with him. The long life talks, the laughs, the little dates we had. He was my favorite person in this world, with his t-shirt always tucked in to his jeans, the sassy remarks he would always make, and the life advice I was lucky enough to get from him my junior year of high school.

I came to the realization that everyone grieves with loss differently. Everyone hurts differently and everyone's heart mends at a different pace. I can be here today at 20-years-old and say that I am finally at peace in my heart because I know he is where he needs to be and he's not suffering. In my heart, I know he's watching over the family he has with a big ol' smile on his face.

You will forever be in our hearts, Abuelo.

I hope you're proud of us.

We love you forever.

I miss you.