Abandonment: to leave completely and finally. The definition doesn't do the feeling of being abandoned any justice at all, does it? Maybe you're someone whose best friend decided to leave you without any concern of what would become of you without them. You might be the child who was rejected by their parents after coming out, or the boyfriend who was dumped by the person that mattered more than anything else in the world. Whether you've been betrayed by the person closest to you, left behind by someone who promised to always walk alongside you, or forgotten about by someone who used to consider you a priority, you're someone who understands the emotional toll that results from being abandoned. You chose to see yourself through the eyes of someone else, but now that person is nowhere in sight.
Everyone experiences abandonment at some point in their lives, but the difference is in how each and every person reacts to it. There are different ways that people choose to deal with abandonment; some choose to embrace the sadness they feel while others choose to focus on their rage and anger instead. Those who embrace the sadness convince themselves that they are the root of the problem and that their loved ones left them behind because of their own mistakes and shortcomings. As a result, feelings of insecurity and self-hate take precedence over any rationality and cause people to adapt the "Everyone Leaves" mindset, which enables feelings of mistrust to emerge. These people may avoid close relationships with other individuals in fear of being hurt again, or cut themselves off from the people in their lives. Meanwhile, those who choose to focus on their anger place all of the blame on the person who left them behind; by choosing to remember only the negative aspects of their relationship with that person, they erase all good memories from their minds and convince themselves that the person they were abandoned by never deserved a place in their life at all. This anger is just as detrimental as the sadness they avoid since it only gets worse with time.
The pain caused by abandonment is indescribable, but it shouldn't take over your life and impact the way you choose to pursue relationships in the future! It's time to consider that maybe sadness and anger aren't the only two emotions you're allowed to feel when you've been betrayed by someone. Of course you're allowed to hold a person's actions against them; you're entitled to feel frustrated when someone you gave your 110% to chooses to believe that your contributions and effort aren't worth sticking around for. If you believe that someone hurt you, they don't get to decide that they didn't. However, don't become so consumed with resentment that you forget the good parts of your relationship. Be thankful for what they've given you and don't hold against them what they were unable to provide you. You can still remember the good moments that you spent together and acknowledge the things that they did for you. Every moment that they supported you should be appreciated and every good memory they gave you should be valued. You're allowed to miss someone who left you behind, but you're not allowed to badmouth or disrespect them.
Don't try to conceal your pain with insults and contempt; the truest form of grace is in trying to understand their perspective rather than considering them a traitor. Trust their judgment since there are two sides to every story and sometimes circumstances play a big role in the way that relationships play out. Maybe your best friend stopped talking to you because of a misunderstanding, and maybe your loved one turned their back on you because of their own fears and insecurities. Understanding their actions is different than justifying their actions, however; if someone has repeatedly taken advantage of you or added toxicity to your life, stop looking for excuses to justify what they've done and fishing around for reasons to keep them in your life or thoughts. The fact that they've chosen to leave you behind and move on with their lives without considering the emotional impact you've been forced to bear is a clear indication of how they do not have your best interests in mind.
Stop looking for reasons to forgive them unless they're actively seeking forgiveness; remember the saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." If someone has proven that they can move on without you, give yourself the same chance. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, but rather allows you to experience the world without them, reducing any dependency you may feel. Don't adapt the "Everyone Leaves" mindset, because you are going to meet so many people throughout your lifetime that truly understand your value, who appreciate your uniqueness and treasure every aspect of you.
Some people enter our lives to teach us a lesson; the person you've been abandoned by served to remind you that actions speak louder than words. Don't fall for empty promises, and don't trust until your trust has been earned. Don't give anyone else the ability to determine your self-worth, and don't let the presence or absence of a specific individual impact your perception of relationships as a whole. Just because one individual was unable to understand your worth doesn't mean that everyone you encounter will make the same choice. Let your pain serve as a reminder that the only person who deserves everything you have is you, and remind yourself that the feeling you're harboring now won't last forever. With time, the feeling of abandonment will subside and you'll be able to form new relationships that are a thousand times stronger than the ones that broke.
It's a simple fact of life that can't be denied: sometimes people leave us without warning. We watch the people we care about transform into the things that they said they'd never become, and we're forced to stand by as we see our own value diminish in the eyes of someone who was valuable in ours. Someone who promised to support you through every hardship went back on their word, and now you're stuck with a hole in your life where that person used to be. You're allowed to grieve their loss and you're allowed to miss them, but it's time to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Focus on the people in your life that give you the respect and appreciation that you deserve, form new relationships and fulfill your responsibilities in them, and hope that the person who left you behind goes far in life, with or without you. Stay happy and focused, because you have the power to bend the world to your will.
