“There are plenty of fish in the sea.”
“You’re better off without her.”
“He wasn’t the right person for you.”
“You deserve better anyway.”
“It just wasn’t meant to be.”
We’ve heard them all before. It can come from a well-meaning friend or a concerned parent, and it can sometimes come from an acquaintance who doesn’t know what else to say. While they all might be true, it’s not always easy to hear if you’re still dealing with heartbreak.
Then again, what part of it is easy? Even if your breakup was a long time coming, saying the words makes it true, final, over and done. It changes everything. Your person to talk to, your person to depend on, your person to joke with, your person to cuddle at the end of the day and your person to go through life with, they’re just no longer your person. That’s a loss you will feel in every part of your being. Just know even if it doesn’t feel like it, that it’s okay.
It’s okay to be upset. It doesn’t matter who broke up with whom; breakups hurt on both ends. It’s okay to feel hurt. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to have a drink or eat a bunch of junk food. It’s okay to sing sad songs in the shower. It’s okay to watch romantic comedies to restore your faith in love or to watch horror movies because you’re sick of all the gushy crap.
It’s okay to be angry. You’ve been hurt, taken for granted, given up on and left behind. That justifies some anger. When you’re so angry you feel like exploding, find a way to let off some of that steam without taking it out on someone. If you hurt someone you care for out of anger, it’s only going to add to your own hurt.
It’s okay to be jealous. If your ex moves on faster than you do, it’s nearly impossible not to feel it on some level. You’ll see their pictures, doing things you two did together or worse, never got to do. You’ll hear things and be forced to wonder if they’re true. Sometimes, you’ll see them. Bless the people who break up in a small town because seeing an ex with someone new on a consistent basis is like picking at a scab over and over: It takes much longer to heal.
It’s okay to cut yourself off from them. If part of your healing process is to delete them on social media or block their number, it is okay to do that. If you don’t want to talk to them, you don’t have to. Give yourself the space you need. They might be offended or think that it’s immature, but don’t feel badly for doing what you need to do for yourself.
It’s okay to miss them. Your feelings for someone don’t just disappear overnight. You’ll miss all kinds of things about them, from the little kisses goodbye, to how fired up they get about their sports team and to the big new adventures they took you on. No matter how much distance or anger comes between the two of you, you’ll still miss having them around from time to time. That’s just what happens when you care about someone. Just because you’ve broken up doesn’t mean you’ll stop caring; you’ll just have to learn to care a little differently.
The important thing to know is that everyone heals in their own way at their own pace. You might feel overwhelmed with bad emotions, and it will probably take longer than you want it to. However, it’s okay, or it will be. Every day that you keep going will hurt a little less until finally you won’t just be telling people that you’re fine. You actually will be. On the days you think you’ll never get there, remember the wise words of Cristina Yang. No matter how sweet, wonderful, perfect and dreamy your person may be, they are not the sun. You are. Each and every one of us is capable of making our own sunshine until we find our person to shine just as brightly, right there beside us.
