When I was growing up, my life felt like it was a lot different than other kids. Most kids had a mom, dad, and siblings around the house to create chaos and love. I only had a mom, no dad, no siblings; just me and the good ole mama bear. If being an only child wasn't enough, I was also an only grandchild for ten years. With that being said, I definitely got all the love a little girl could ever want or need, but I felt something was always missing: I never had a dad.

Now, of course, biologically I had a father, but I never had a dad. My dad lived states away, and I saw him maybe once every few years for a day or two. Of course there were the birthday cards and occasional phone calls (by occasional I mean my birthday and Christmas if I was lucky enough for that). Therefore I felt I never truly had a dad.

Let me elaborate on that for a second. See, if I were to create a dictionary, I would define father as someone who biologically helped create you, but to define dad is something totally different. A dad is someone who loves you, takes care of you, meets your boyfriends on the night of homecoming, and is there for every life event cheering you on.

When I was younger, I never knew really what a dad was, so when I would sleep over at my friends house and they had a mom and a dad I was incredibly confused. Their dad would tell them words like "No, don't do that," and I couldn't help wonder what this "no" word was they kept saying.

As a child, not having a dad never bothered me all that much. I was happy with my mom and my grandparents. However as I got older it got much harder, and I am not sure why. I assume I just became old enough to realize, "Wait, I am supposed to have a dad," and I don't, but why don't I have a dad?

There were several nights where I would literally cry myself to sleep, thinking to myself "If my own dad can't love me then what guy ever will?" Now that I am a young adult, it has gotten easier to deal with, but some things are still hard. My dad does not help with college or care enough to talk to me on a regular basis.

Life without a dad is hard, and it will never get easier; there will always be apart of me that knows he should be around, but he chooses not to be. To be perfectly honest, that's probably what hurts the most. I have learned, however, that it is his choice and his loss; I will be the best I can be, and I will make a difference in this world. I intend on ensuring that my children will not go through that, but if they do then I will make sure that they never go through the pain that I have had to feel. If you are a girl that is dealing with this heartache like I am, I feel for you. I know the pain that you feel and will continue to feel. Life without a dad is hard, but without a doubt it makes you the strongest you can be.