I have had several friends come into my life with seemingly good intentions in the beginning. I have come to the conclusion that I allow myself to become vulnerable too fast and allow people into my life wholeheartedly without really getting a chance to see their true colors. I was raised to treat everyone kindly and I always thought that as long as I was treated kindly in return, I had made a friend. Unfortunately, becoming close with certain people made me realize they were not as kind or had the good intentions that I thought they did in the beginning. This is an open letter to the friends who I cut out of my life, and some who cut me out of theirs.
To the friends I had to give up,
I don't wish anything bad for you. I have better things to do with my time than be filled with anger and spite over the things we went through and why we had to part ways. Some of you caused issues in my life that I could not deal with, some of you had problems too big for me to handle on top of my own. I really wanted to help you during your tough times. I tried my hardest to be there as a friend. Many times I was told "you don't need this person", and "you can't help everyone" but I tried to remain the good friend I thought I was. I can tell when things are out of my comfort zone, but I try to put my brave face on and help a friend when they are in need. But recently, I have learned that sometimes these relationships can become toxic. I deserve people who are good influences to me. It is a great thing to be the "good influence" in a friendship, but not at the expense of my own safety and sanity. Friends are the ones that lift you up equally and help you out on the occasions when you are in need. One-sided friendships are no way to have a friendship. I am not saying that I am not at fault. I did none of you favors by trying to maintain a friendship when I felt uneasy about our relationship. But I'm scared of conflict and having people on my bad side. So I tried to keep these toxic friendships afloat. So to the friends that had to exit my life for one reason or another, I'm sorry if we do not speak anymore or you harbor ill feelings towards me. I truly did what I thought was best at the time we were friends, and looking back I probably would have done certain things differently. I truly do hope nothing but the best for you and that you find people in your life that can help you in the ways I could not. Friendship is a special relationship to have with someone. You meet someone anywhere and you decide you want more of them in your life. But there are times when that has to come to an end for the sake of both parties. I hope you understand that ending our friendship was what was best for us.
Take care,
a former friend.
