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Guilty Pleasures: Fat Food Fantasies

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Guilty Pleasures: Fat Food Fantasies
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In order to maintain any sort of fitness, we are subject to boundaries that we dare not cross an average ninety percent of the time. It is indeed a necessary evil, if we want to keep fitting into those jeans we love so much. Though some of us are far more disciplined than others, even the fittest of the fit have their moments of weakness. I challenge anyone to stroll past an Auntie Anne’s and not be pulled in by the hypnotic aroma. There comes a time when a salad isn’t cutting it anymore, wheat-grass just makes you heave, and you could easily mow down any innocent bystander who gets in the way of a tasty treat. You crave sugar and salt, and anything scrumptiously fattening. For occasions such as this, I have compiled a collection of favorites for your enjoyment.

Warning: This content may contain mouthwatering deliciousness that may be fabulous to all eaters, portion discretion is advised.


1. Tortellini Pizza

This succulent slice of heaven will have you unbuttoning those jeans at first sight of it. You get the best of both worlds with the gooey gobs of melted mozzarella and the buttery swirled cheese filled pasta. Given the girth of this beautifully baked Italian masterpiece, one slice should do it….but who’s judging.

2. Buttermilk Short Stack

These fluffy discs of decadence are a buttery, maple soaked meal that can proudly stand alone. Though most are topped, filled, sprinkled, shaped, sugared, and drizzled with just about anything you can think of. Technically, these are considered to be in the breakfast family....but we all know better.

3. Holy Canoli’s – These luscious loops of loveliness are most often consumed after a very large and very filling, authentic Italian meal. This by far is no accident, and in fact, is an essential element in maintaining control. With little room to spare, the tempted taster is all but forced to stop at one.

4. Kabobs - One day, some guy somewhere sadly had no plates or silverware to eat with and desperately craved his favorite cuts of grilled meat. Not knowing where to turn, he hurled the succulent sustenance away in a fit of frustration.

As he lifted his defeated head slowly, he saw before him the answer to his dreadful flatware difficulties. The meat struck a tree, tearing it to pieces that caught onto the branches above. The man shed a tear as he gazed upon the gleaming sticks of goodness, and thus food on a stick was born. Thank you angry kabob guy…thank you.

5. Banana Split with the WorksIf you’re going to indulge, I say go big or go home. Case and point, this breath-taking bowl of chilled creamy yumminess. Buried beneath a mass array of toppings lies a healthy, nutritious, ripe sliced banana. The mere presence of this fruit affords you the freedom to scoop, drizzle and garnish as you please. Sheathe the entire dish in heaps of whipped cream and by all means, do not forget the all-important cherry on top!

6. Mucho Macho Nacho’s – Te quiero Grandes Cursi Nacho’s! Layer upon layer of cheesy, meat drenched tortilla’s smothered in bits of veggies and topped with sour cream.

Strategically removing a heavily loaded chip is a true art form that requires a steady hand and infinite patience. Usually, you’ll find one supreme mucho grande tortilla in the bunch, two if you’re really lucky. This is the prized piece coveted by all who gather, and discovering it is like hitting the jackpot.

7. Cheesecake – This one is dangerously sinful and should truly be illegal. You can almost feel your thighs expanding with each amazingly smooth, terrifically thick creamy bite. There is however, a level of shame that follows the consumption of such confectionery perfection, so mentally prepare yourself to take the plunge, no regrets.

8. Philly Cheesesteak -

Yet another contender from the cheese family. The famous Philly Cheesesteak heartily packs strips of sautéed steak, onions, peppers and mozzarella into a man sized roll with a side of fries. Generally, this would be a tough sandwich for one person to take down, but many (self-included) have pushed past the pain and reigned victorious.

9. Triple Fudge Walnut Brownies – No matter the occasion, brownies are the answer. Nothing can say I love you, I’m sorry, I’m thinking of you, and I really think you’d appreciate some rich and gooey chewy chocolatey squares, quite like brownies. If it’s an especially special moment; a walnut, chocolate chip, peanut butter and triple chocolate fudge combo is the way to go. You're welcome :)

10. Alaskan King Crab Legs -



This mighty crustacean is well worth the effort it takes to crack open it's long and spiky legs. Sure my hands look like I slid them along a grater afterwards, but hey, nothing this good comes easy. All hail the King..... then pass the butter please.


12. All American Cheeseburger – Juicy all beef, Angus, quarter pound, and half pound burger topped with fixin’s piled so high, even the biggest mouth

would struggle. This colossal creation has been tweaked and twisted into hundreds of different variations, all downright delicious.


13. Shrimp & More Shrimp - Butterfly shrimp, honey grilled shrimp , popcorn shrimp, garlic shrimp, shrimp salad, deep fried shrimp, shrimp and broccoli,....alfredo shrimp, shrimp cocktail, cajun shrimp, chicken & shrimp, cheesy shrimp, shrimp taco's, breaded shrimp, lemon shrimp,......shrimp scampi, shrimp kabob, Parmesan shrimp, coconut shrimp..........phew, who's hungry???

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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