Today I was told I “focus too much on other people’s happiness.” This wasn’t the first time someone has said this to me, or even the second time. I honestly can’t remember how many times my family, friends and even strangers have told me I put others needs before my own. I never saw this as a bad thing, until today.
“I need you to take care of yourself better for me. Do you promise? I really need you to do it for me. I’ll be really upset if you don’t do this for me. Focus on yourself before others. As much as it’s good to be caring, you can’t properly care for others if you don’t take care of yourself. I need you to do that, because you don’t enough. You focus too much on other people’s happiness.”
I was told this by my best friend who’s family is going through some issues with money. I said to him he didn’t need to worry about not having money because I’ll always have it for the both of us. I’ve never been one to be greedy or money driven, it’s really just paper to me. He replied with, “Yeah but Chels will you do anything for me?” I questioned what he meant and he answered with that.
Today I realized I love too much, because he was right. I will do anything for him. If he asked me to give him all my money I would. If he woke me up at 3 a.m. with a phone call to come over I would never roll back over and fall asleep, I would go without question. I offer to pay for his meals when we go out every time. He always says no, but I still offer, and this isn’t just with him, it’s with everyone. It’s with my sister, my roommate, my high school best friend, even my dog. If I’m shopping at Target and see a dog toy I’ll get it without hesitation because I know how happy my dog will be when I take that home for him. I can feel how happy my little puppy is and that happiness brings me probably more joy than he actually feels.
In two weeks, I’m moving into an apartment and ended up getting more cups, plates, kitchen utensils, basically anything I may need throughout the day because I desperately wanted my roommate to have these things too. I was actually yelled at by my Dad for caring too much about the people I’m living with this year. And this isn't because I'm not taking care of myself, it's just because I really love the people around me.
I didn’t know it was a bad thing to care so much for the people you love, for the stranger sitting next to me on the bus or for the old woman I held the door open for. My family gets upset with me when I don’t fight for what I want and I think it’s because I really don’t want anything except for others to be happy.
I don’t care if I don’t get that job I needed because someone else did and that made them happy. Seeing others happy and being able to create that happiness makes me happy. It’s sad that in today’s society making others happy isn’t acceptable.
My whole life, all I’ve ever done is love and I’m not about to stop. I don’t want to turn into someone who’s cold to the world and can’t see love. I don’t want to be the person who asks you how your day is and doesn’t care because when I ask my friends and family, even strangers how they are, I really, really care. I love people. I love animals. I love Mother Earth. I love, love. That’s just me. It might be a bad thing but it's me and I refuse to stop loving.
