More prevalent now than when my parents were in college, the idea of casual hookups - whether that means making out or sexual intercourse - has infiltrated the lives of both men and women in their 20s. Especially with the movements geared toward feminism and equality of the sexes, women are now more likely to engage in this culture, because most people have time commitments that prevent them from having serious relationships.
However, there are certain flaws in hookup culture that bother me, because the element of a relationship is, to some extent, tossed out the window. Though college is a time for figuring out your life's passions, finding your friends, and ultimately finding yourself, Facebook found that 28 percent of people end up attending the same college as their spouse. At this point in life, the person you are dating is either going to be your spouse, or they're not.
1. Too many things are left unsaid.
There have been countless conversations I've had that include "I don't want to text him too much" and "what did he mean by this text?" and there has been more discrepancy and miscommunication than necessary. Whatever happened to just being honest? If you're confused by what their messages mean, there shouldn't be shame or hesitation in texting back. There is no feasible way for me to know what you're thinking, so I'm just going to go ahead and clear things up for myself.
2. Booty calls aren't appreciated. Ever.
Yeah, if you have to wait to hang out because you have things to do during the day, hanging out at night isn't actually the worst idea. But if you're texting me past 11 p.m. to "chill," let me tell you that I have no bra on, I've exfoliated, and I'm ready to go to bed. I know a lot of people stay up late on weekdays for studying purposes, or maybe their internal clocks tell them bedtime is past midnight, but asking me to just hook up and then sending me home afterward is not the way to get me to keep up this "thing" we may have.
3. Labels aren't everything, but I'm allowed to ask about them.
Labels are hard, especially for people who aren't completely invested in a relationship to give it the attention it deserves. But this sort of flaky, random "talking" that a lot of people are doing leaves a lot of things up to question. Are we just hooking up? Only making out but also talking? FWB? There is no cause to DTR (define-the-relationship) if you don't want to, but outlining the context of the relationship avoids unnecessary miscommunication, and it could last longer if you know what to expect. I shouldn't be afraid to ask about something if I want to know what I'm getting myself into.
4. "Talking" shouldn't be a label for a relationship.
I talk to at least twenty people a day. Does that mean I'm "talking" to them? Some of them are professors, and that's definitely not what I'm getting at. People in relationships - whether it be friendships or anything more - talk. After a while, it's okay to consider someone your friend, and if you have feelings for them, that's okay, too. But don't reduce your special friendships to "talking," because that ruins the whole relationship as a whole.
5. Don't worry about what other people will think about your relationship with someone.
They are not you, and they are not a part of your relationship with someone. If you want to post on social media about something, then you should have the freedom to do so. Life is so profound, and other people's thoughts about you shouldn't ever make you feel smaller than you are.
Relish in the relationships you have with people. Go after something if your gut tells you that you should. Waiting around and playing games with feelings only leads to frustration.
