Having a family member with cancer changes the way you think about the disease. What was once an awful thing we mostly heard about on social media, and Good Morning America, no longer seems so foreign. Cancer is referenced every single day. We just don’t realize it. We see it at the grocery stores when the cashier asks for an extra dollar at checkout, and in the St. Jude commercials where a celebrity says that only we can help. Donations are great, raising awareness is great, but that’s not what cancer needs from us. I’m not here to tell you all cancer patients need is support. That’s great too, but it’s still not nough. There is more to do than that. We can’t cure cancer overnight, and a lot of times people think that donating to research is all we can do to help. How it is handled is equally important. While it is more than deserving of the occasional one finger salute, here are the five things cancer needs.
Give it a Laugh. Don’t be afraid to make jokes, about anything and everything. Just because someone is a cancer patient doesn’t mean they don’t need to laugh. Don’t walk on eggshells trying to figure what to say or what to do. Laughter is supposedly the best medicine, so why not start killing the disease with kindness?
Treat it the same. Cancer is a disease, but we treat it like a curse just because we don’t have all of the answers yet. If you have a friend or family member with cancer, don’t look at them like they’re broken. If you say the wrong thing, I promise they won’t shatter. It won’t ruin them so you don’t need to be a people pleaser. When people get sick, it’s normal to feel this overwhelming need to give them everything they could ever even think about wanting, just to make them smile. But don’t be afraid to be normal. Make them watch those TV shows with you that they like to whine about. Some of the best times I have had since a family member of mine got diagnosed, has been listening to their jokes about the movies we watch. The truth is, being alone with all of their favorite things won’t make them feel better. It is the people they are surrounded by that will.
Make a Little go a Long Way. Now, whenever I go out somewhere different I offer to bring something back. It’s usually some kind of food, a book, or maybe a movie from Redbox. Nine times out of ten when I offer to do this, the answer is no. Though when the answer is yes, it’s one of the few genuine smiles I see. Yesterday all it took was a piece of cheesecake. It wasn’t the piece of cheesecake that did that. It was the action.
Stop trying to be strong. It is our first instinct to keep calm and be strong when someone gets the bad news about cancer. But trying to stay strong for days at a time can be even more exhausting than giving in and breaking down for an hour or so every once in a while. The person in your life you’re crying over never wants to see you upset, so of course they will be sad to see you cry, but they will also see that you care. It is okay to be upset about the situation. It’s fine to get sad thinking about your lack of control, or angry about the fact that it impacted your life. Crying in front of them will help! They are the only ones who can make you feel better. Most importantly, they will never judge you for being upset. It’s okay to cry even though you’re not the one who is sick. You don’t have to feel guilty about that, so don’t even think about it.
Talk about it. Cancer doesn’t have to be this taboo subject. Don’t make it the elephant in the room. People often feel uncomfortable talking about it because it is such a scary topic, but trust me you are not going to jinx yourself. You don’t get cancer from talking about cancer. It’s important to let them know that you are listening. Avoiding the subject can also give the idea that they have something to be ashamed of, which is the last thing you want. If you have a friend with a sick family member, don’t be afraid to ask them about it. Check in on them. Ask how their family member is doing. They’ll appreciate it.
These five things will not cure cancer, but they will make someone smile. Sometimes that’s more than enough for the time being.
