On October 7, 2015 I attempted to take my own life. I was in an incredibly dark place; I could see no hope and I did not believe that I had a future. It has been over a year and I am now in a place where I can honestly say I am glad I survived. As someone who has struggled with mental illness for most of my life, it feels so liberating to be looking forward to my life and to actually feel like I have a future. To actually be able to get out of bed and not have this little voice in the back of my head telling me to end it all, it is the best feeling in the world. I have made a list of the 20 reasons not to give up. I made this list using all the experiences I would have missed out on and all the things I find enjoyable now. This is for anyone who ever feels like it would be easier to just end it all; it may not be easy, but it will be worth it.
1. Every cloud has a silver lining.
It may be cheesy, but it is true. A year ago if someone had told me I would be writing about my negative experiences and using them to connect with people, I would never have believed you, but it is happening, I hear with every article how my strength inspires someone. Even if it is just one person, that one comment makes my day; and it makes everything worth it.
2. You will gain a whole new way of looking at things.
I see the world very differently than most people. When you have been at the very bottom; ready to die and yet still manage to crawl out of that hole, it gives you an internal strength. A strength that makes recovery possible, that brings a glow back to your face and that inspires you to live.
3. The people you meet. I met a variety of people during my hospital stay after my attempt.
People suffering from all sorts of different illnesses, all in very different circumstances. I have always been very lucky as I have had a very strong support system, but I met people who were completely on their own. Trying to encourage themselves every day, their strength is what inspired me to try as hard as I could to get better.
4. The things that you will experience and the places you will go.
After I pulled myself out of the hole that was my depression, I opened myself up to so many different things. The most impactful
5.You owe it to yourself.
You deserve to live. It may not feel like it but it is true. Think about yourself as a little kid, remember how in love with
Life is hard. It sucks, and it can feel impossible. Sometimes it will feel like a giant mess that just keeps getting bigger and bigger. I know what that feels like and I am also very lucky to be able to understand that life is not always like that. Life can be amazing, it can be light and fun and happy. Life can mean freedom, freedom to smile and laugh at everything. Life is light and hopeful. It is depression that weighs it down and is all consuming. We all need a reason to not give up, to keep fighting. If you or someone you know is suffering from depression do not be afraid to talk to someone. Talk to a trusted adult, parent, teacher, visit your doctor or if the situation is grave go to your closest emergency room and speak to the crisis team. It is worth it and you are worth it.
