I, like a lot of people I know, do not take the time out to thank my mother like I should. Her job of raising me was no easy feat and yet, sometimes I forget to tell her how important she is to me. It may sound cheesy but my mother is my best friend; there is no other person in the world who knows me as well as she does. I can talk to her about anything that is going on in my life without the fear of judgment. She is the first person to wipe away my tears when I’m sad and she is the first one to cheer me on when I achieve something I worked hard on. I honestly do not know what I would do without my mother; I am so lucky to still have her in my life and I still find myself taking that for granted. Sometimes I have to remind myself to take advantage of all the time I have with her now because tomorrow is not promised to anyone.
In honor of her birthday this Monday, April 11th, I wanted to share with you the five important lessons my mom has taught me.
1. Always be truthful.
One of my mom’s favorite things to say when I was growing up was “always tell the truth because the truth comes out either way”. As a kid, I did not take this saying seriously because I thought I could outsmart the system. Now, I wasn’t an overly rebellious kid but I still told the occasional white lie if I wanted to see a movie I wasn’t allowed to or if I wanted to stay out past my curfew. However, looking back at my terribly planned out schemes, I realize that my mom was right. No matter how elaborate your lies may be, the truth always comes out in the end, so just be honest from the start.
2. It’s okay to be selfish.
This lesson is a big one for me because it is not in my nature to be selfish. I have always had this overwhelming need to put people before myself because I wanted to make sure they were happy and safe. I inherited this particular trait from my mom; she raised her daughters, took care of her husband, and her home before dealing with her own needs and wants. But my mom taught that it is okay to be selfish and put yourself first sometimes. You don’t always have to focus on other people; if you don’t take care of yourself, who will?
3. Never give up on your dreams, even if people don’t believe in you.
My mom didn’t have the best childhood—her family was cruel and cold—so affection and support was not something she saw on a daily basis. Her family never believed that my mom could make something of her life. They never cared to learn about her dreams because they never expected her to follow them in the first place. Even though she was submerged in negativity from birth, my mom never let her family’s perception of her get in the way of everything she wanted to do. She rose above it and went back to school to graduate with her master’s degree. She worked hard and rose through the ranks of the NYPD to become a detective. When I was standing in the police commissioner’s office watching my mom get sworn in, I couldn't believe the amount of pride and admiration I felt for her.
4. Love your body.
As someone who has always struggled with their weight, I’ve had a tough time trying to accept my body as beautiful no matter what. My mom has helped me through this because she went through the same weight struggle I went through. She knows how hard it is to lose weight and eat right. She also knows how hard it is to shake your insecurities about how you look. But not a day goes by that my mother doesn’t remind me that I am beautiful and that I need to remind myself of that as much as possible. My mom taught me that self-love is the most important thing because if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love someone else? (Shout to RuPaul for that amazing motto. Mom and I watch "Drag Race" like it’s our religion).
5. Be open to love.
My mom had to kiss a few frogs before she found a prince in my father. Because she suffered a lot of pain from past experiences with love, my mom built up walls to protect herself from letting history repeat itself. But, she slowly took down those walls for an amazing guy who showed her that he was the real deal. My mom always stressed to me that I should give people a chance, even if I’ve been hurt before. She always told me that I never knew what was coming around the corner and, if I kept my guard up, I would never get to experience a true kind of love like she found with my father.
My mom is the best woman I know. She is strong, confident, beautiful, and never fails to show the world how big her heart is. If you have the chance to meet her or talk to her I swear you will fall in love with her. I mean, all of my friends over the years have always raved how much they loved my mom and I couldn’t blame them. She’s the best.
Mom, I know you’re reading this so I wanted to take a moment and talk to you directly. I love you, mom. You raised me to be tough and strong yet caring and loving. You were the first person I came out to and you hugged me and told me you didn't care who I loved as long as I was happy. You never laughed when I told you my dream was to be a writer; you encouraged me to chase after the impossible. You keep it real with me but never talk down to me. You have done so much for me, Dad, and Madison and continue to keep us from running amuck in the house; you are the glue that keeps our family together. I am so thankful to have you as my mom and I’m sorry if I don’t thank you as much I should. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for always caring. Thank you for sending me soup when I’m sick. But, most of all, thank you for being my mom.
Happy birthday. I love you.
