First Relationship, Still a Virgin, at 21

First Relationship, Still a Virgin, at 21

Update to Single and a Virgin at 21
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All of you reading this title are probably rather surprised by the first part of it. Yes, I am officially in my first relationship which will be hitting its two-month mark on June 6th. I’ve kept it relatively quiet because my girlfriend and I don’t really see the need to blast it everywhere. As a first timer to this realm of life, it has been quite wonderful. There have been ups and downs, but nothing horrible. Playful arguments, being there for each other through tough situations and motivating each other to get things done. In reality, I didn’t think I would ever be in a relationship. I didn’t come into this year thinking “I am finally going to date because I am on my own!” No… That thought never actually inhibited my mind. But, who knew I would meet my girlfriend only one month into being in Baltimore, Maryland. That was a shock and a half. However, I have been incredibly happy ever since then. She is absolutely stunning and we fit like two peas in a pod.

Now, I know there are also probably the few (or many) that are saying I only feel like this because it is my first ever relationship. You guys aren’t the only ones. I’ve been told that to my face and you guys could be right, I won’t doubt anyone. However, I’m not going to downplay the relationship just because of other people’s experiences. So I’ll take it as it goes and will probably write another article in a few months to see where this leads! I should probably just start a blog about this actually because it is really entertaining to write about. Some of you are probably wondering about her name and all that jazz, but, I’m going to keep that to myself. What I will say is that the one thing that caught me completely off guard was when she told me her eyes change from blue, to green, to grey, and then sometimes even red. Yes… you read that correctly! I didn’t believe it at first until I saw myself. It was a little creepy, but absolutely hilarious at the same time. She used to love Twilight so her extremely pale skin, red eyes, and black hair make her fit in.

I have done basically the exact opposite of what I thought I would do for my potential first relationship. Some people already know this, but most do not. I said I would never try to find someone online; that happened. I said I would never date long distance; that happened. I said for quite some time that I just basically would never date anyone; that certainly happened. The one thing we both find really funny is that I am the virgin in the relationship even though I am the older one. Her friends thought I was extremely clueless to the realm of sex since I have that tag over my head. Personally, I found that a little harsh, but it’s all in good fun. If I had been writing this about two years ago I would not be saying any of the things I am saying now because I was so incredibly paranoid with what other individuals thought. Now I don’t really care that much. If you don’t like the conversation of sex, log off the article! Not that I am really going to say much about it, but people can get a little nervous sometimes.

There is really nothing wrong with sex as long as you use protection. If you don’t, well then that’s on you and I bid you good luck in the potential pregnancy department. I find it really intriguing that she actually wants to wait. She wants to “respect” the fact that I am a virgin and wait until I am “ready”. Well, that has lead to a lot of really interesting conversations between the two of us that have often ended in me on the floor laughing really hard. In all seriousness though, she wants to wait for herself as well and I am completely okay with that. I’ve gone 21 years without sex, no reason why I can’t go any further than that. Personally… I think that the women should have the most fun in bed. I would rather please a woman all night than the other way around. That’s just me. I mean, come on guys, they do so much for us that we need to try our hardest to please them. (Inserts little note about female equality here) We shouldn’t be sitting on our butts and expect them to do all the work. That’s just my opinion though. Go twiddle your thumbs some where else if you don’t agree. Surprisingly, while my girlfriend loves the idea, she still wants to keep it 50/50 to be fair. So there’s that.

I think the one thing that we butt heads on the most is that I want to pay for everything, but she wants to pay for everything as well. Then, when it comes to birthdays and holidays, I want to buy her a gift but she doesn’t want me to and then it is the same the other way around. It’s basically a lose-lose situation which always leads to really funny arguments because we end up at a constant stale mate with no resolution. We both try to come up with a compromise, and then it falls apart. So it’ll be fun to see where this matter leads in the future. I did buy her a slightly expensive birthday gift to which she said she is now good for the year and that I better not spend any more money on her. Buttttttt... I'm still going to buy her other little gifts because that's what I do. Some people might find this extremely annoying, but I find it really entertaining because we are constantly at it on a daily basis.

Just like in my last article, I would like to address all the individuals who may be in the same realm as me. It feels... strange, doesn't it? After all this time the words "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" are finally coming out of your mouth in a meaningful way. You are no longer just tossing the idea around or joking about it. You are in a true relationship, one in which we all hope will last for quite some time. I mean, everyone would like to be one and done, but sometimes it just doesn't work that way. That is completely okay though! That's just life. While it felt strange at first, you began to get used to saying those words and eventually it goes from strange to interesting and you feel complete. As if that missing piece of you that maybe you never thought was gone, has magically set itself in place in your heart. Where you once thought that being single and third wheeling was the time of your life, you now understand why so many people hate being single. It is just a ton of fun to be able to enjoy life with a significant other there with you.

For me, these past two months have been a heck of a joyride. I’ve loved every minute of it. I’m the type that will wake up early just to send a good morning message to my girlfriend before she goes to work and will stay up late to send a goodnight message if she works late. I've been doing this for about two weeks now and because of that I officially wake up without an alarm around 5:30am everyday. This will be great once I get back to work! However, I am not being forced into doing it, this is just who I am. I think the woman should be the constant focus of the relationship and should always be held in a higher regard than the man, but there should still be equal ground in the relationship as well. Basically, respecting each other’s thoughts while also treating her with the upmost respect. That is purely my opinion which has lead to some folks saying that I am totally whipped in this relationship. My girlfriend laughs so hard at that idea because we both know that is completely false, but it makes life entertaining. So for now, I bid you all farewell until the next update!

Cover Image Credit: Bustle

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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Abortion Bans Are Only A Small Part Of The Republican War On Women

These bans expose the Republican Party for what it truly is.

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This week, several states passed laws that ban abortion after six to eight weeks of pregnancy, before most women even know that they're pregnant. The most egregious of these is Alabama — the state has banned abortion except for in cases of danger to the mother. Exceptions in the cases of rape and incest were actively voted against by the state legislature. Under the new law, any doctor who is caught giving an abortion would be sentenced to 99 years in prison, and the woman would be charged with murder.

Apart from the fact that this explicitly violates the decision of Roe v. Wade (which is the point), this is only a small part of the slow but steady degradation of women's rights by Republicans in the United States. To anyone who believes that this is simply about people being "pro-life" or "saving the children," then tell them to look at what happens after the fetus is carried to term.

Republicans oppose forcing fathers to be involved in the lives of their children that were forcibly carried to term, desires to cut food stamps and make it more difficult to feed said child, cut funding for affordable housing to make it more difficult for them to find homes, cut spending to public education so these children can't move up the social ladder, and refuse to offer the woman or her child health insurance to keep them both healthy. What about efforts to prevent pregnancy? Republicans also oppose funding birth control and contraception, as well as opposing comprehensive sexual education. To them, the only feasible solution is to simply keep your legs shut. They oppose all of these things because it is, in their eyes, a violation of individual rights to force people to do something. The bill also makes women who get abortions felons, and felons can't vote. I'll let you finish putting those two together.

If you view it from this framework, it would seem like Republicans are being extremely hypocritical by violating the personal freedoms of pregnant women, but if you look at it from the view of restricting social mobility for women, then it makes perfect sense. The Republican dogma of "individual rights" and "personal responsibility" is a socially acceptable facade that they use to cover up their true intentions of protecting the status quo and protect those in power. About any Republican policy, ask yourself: does this disperse power or consolidate it? Whether it be education, healthcare, the environment, or the economy, Republicans love to keep power away from the average citizen and give it to the small number of people that they deem "deserving" of it because of their race, gender, wealth, or power. This is the case with abortion as well; Power is being taken from women, and being given back to men in a reversal of the Feminist Movement of the 1970s.

Republicans don't believe in systemic issues. They believe that everyone has the same opportunity to succeed regardless of what point they started. This is why they love capitalism so much. It acts as some sort of great filter in which only those who deserve power can make it to the top. It's also why they hate social policies; they think that helping people who can't help themselves changes the hierarchy in a negative way by giving people who don't "deserve" power, power. Of course, we know that just because you have money and power doesn't mean you earned it fair and square, and even if Republicans believe it, it wouldn't change anything because it wouldn't change how they want to distribute power.

In short, Republican policies, including abortion, leave the average American with less money, less protection, less education, worse health, less opportunity, fewer rights, and less freedom. This is NOT a side effect. This is the point. Regardless of what Republicans will tell you about "inalienable rights" and how everyone is equal, in reality, they believe that some people and groups are more deserving of rights than others, and the group that deserves rights the most are the ones "that will do the best with them." To Republicans, this group consists of the wealthy, the powerful, and the white — the mega-rich, the CEOs of large companies, gun owners and Christians.

So, who do Republicans think deserve power and give it to? People who look and think like them. This, however, begs the question: Who do they want to take it from?

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