He was the first one you loved and the first love you lost.
In high school, you fall for this boy. You never expect anything serious to come from a high school fling, but it changes your life. The two of you exchange hearts and become best friends. He's the one who knows all your secrets and the first one you go to with news. But not just him, his family too. His family became yours, and they love you as their own. You accompany the family on trips and during holiday dinners. With him, dating felt like marriage, and it felt good. Months turn to years, and the two of you continue to grow as individuals and as a couple. You two argue often, but every "fight" is irrelevant and is resolved within hours. Could anything ever destroy your love for him?
No.
Things begin to change in a rapid, unexpected way, and he turns into someone that you hardly recognize. The way he walks, talks and treats you is all too unfamiliar. However, he assures his love for you and that's enough. Then, within the blink of an eye, your whole world takes a turn for the worst. What could have possibly gone wrong? Was it me? I would have done anything to fix it; to fix us. The tears seem to last for centuries, and you seem to have lost yourself, and in a way, you have. Your comfort zone, the only love you've ever known, has torn you to sheds in ways he swore he never would. Maybe for you it was easier. Maybe your first breakup was forgivable. But like mine, some aren't. How could the guy you were supposed to marry, the one who you'd planned a life with suddenly just leave? It hurt then, and it hurts now. And it will hurt until the day you die. After all the heartache and hurt, could you ever hate him for what he's done?
No.
The first boy you give your heart to, the first one you open up to, will always hold a piece of your heart. That piece of your heart will stand the test of time, and despite whatever distance is put between the two of you, your heart will never again be whole. Whether you fall in love again once more, or a thousand times, or never again, he'll always hold a piece of you that you'll never get back.
However, I've come to learn that it's OK to feel this way. Odds are, the two of you broke up for a good reason that's kept you apart. There's a point in time when you come to the realization that you and he are over. Done. Never again. You deserve better than to be sitting at home on a Friday night sulking over a boy who broke your heart months ago. Let yourself love again! No, it's not easy, but I promise you'll be better for it.
As you start to date again, you'll find yourself pinning your new man into comparison with your ex. For this reason, you're gonna date many guys, because no one is quite like him. But one day, you're going to come across the one who makes you forget about the sorrows and pain from your last love. He'll give you a reason to smile and be genuinely happy again. For a while, you forget about him and you're able to free yourself from the love you were chained to. Although most days are great, there are still instances that you and your ex's song will play or you pass through old photos on Facebook. It's completely natural, and you should feel no shame. If the new man you're with is a keeper, he'll realize that so are you, despite your past. He'll be patient with your healing heart and compassionate when you're skeptical of love again.
Most importantly, you need to be patient with yourself. For me, this was/is the hardest part. Why couldn't I just move on the way he did? Why was I still tied to a guy I didn't need, or better yet, didn't need me? Our hearts are a mystery, and the way they love is out of our control. But time will persist and resolve our broken hearts. For now, let your guard down and be open to the idea of new love. Who knows what you may find out there.
"If life could remove someone you never dreamed of losing, it can replace them with someone you never dreamed of having."
