Turning 21 is one of the most celebrated and dreamed about events for almost every American teenager. Finally being able to legally partake in activities you've been doing for, uh, a few years now (sorry, mom) is such a relief! Now... what to order first? Going to the bar gives you endless options, but chances are you have about .5 seconds to decide before the bartender moves onto the next person. While it may not be based on any scientific research whatsoever, here's a quick guide to help you decide what your first legal drink should be. Based solely off opinions collected by college students who consider themselves to be alcohol experts, who really are only regulars at their campus bar; here's what your first drink order says about you...
1. Moscow Mule
You absolutely, 100 percent, have older siblings who enjoy this drink and told you it was good. You're not really sure what it is, but you've had a few tastes and it's quite refreshing. You also enjoy the cute little cups they always come in.
2. Jagerbomb
You plan on going pretty hard tonight, but not "ending up in jail" hard. You also probably had a long day, so you're being amazingly efficient by getting caffeine and alcohol in your system at the same time. You're also probably gonna end up shouting the word "HYPE" at some point in the night on your snap story. Just let it happen, because you are indeed hype, thanks to those jagerbombs.
3. Sex On The Beach
Ordering a sex on the beach could mean three things: 1. You are basic, and you've heard about this drink in rom-com novels and movies. 2. You are weirdly into peach rings. Or 3. This is the first drink you can think of, and you've always wanted to order a drink with the word sex in it. (If number 3 describes you, are you sure you're really 21?)
4. A Beer
Ugh, you are so over being 21 already. You've been drinking so long that you don't even bother with liquor anymore, you want the cheapest option possible. Your first legal drink is all about chilling out and being with the pals. You'll probably have a few more beers and go home and watch Netflix...or you'll finish a case, pee your pants and then pass out in said pee-pants. Your choice.
5. A *Craft* Beer
You're already a beer snob and you know you're way better than drinking a regular beer on your birthday, especially your 21st. You want everyone to know you're of legal drinking age and know a thing or two about alcohol already. You also probably have ironic statement T-shirts and no inside voice.
6. Shots, Of Any Kind
Either you have been dreaming about your 21st for years, or your friends won't let you do anything besides take shots all night. Either way, your birthday will probably end with you drunk crying on the phone to your ex. In the morning, make sure to check Snapchat for glimpses of you shoveling pizza in your face and shouting obnoxiously in all of your friends' stories. Also... is that a stripper pole you're dancing on in your best friend's story...?
7. A Tequila Shot
If you have ever been on Pinterest, chances are you've seen those 21st birthday cakes that are made to look like you at the end of the night; aka Barbie puking with one shoe missing and a whole bunch of little alcohol bottles scattered around. If you're ordering tequila shots there is a 150 percent chance you will end your birthday night with a nice nap next to the toilet. You also probably drunk dialed your parents, ex and your boss just to say hey. The pictures of your 21st will be shown at your wedding for all to laugh at.
8. Jack And Coke
Jack and Coke is the perfect drink if you're looking to go almost as hard as you would with tequila, but with better taste. If you're a girl: bonus points because most girls are scared of whiskey. If you're a guy: this is a regular drink for you and just another night. You mean business, and you are guaranteed to at least brown out, aka: almost blacking out but with a little bit more recollection.
9. Margarita
If the first drink you order is a margarita, that means you're probably out to dinner with your sorority sisters or best friends. Just accept the fact that you will eat everything on your plate in hopes of sobering up, and you will also end up with a sombrero on before you leave. It's almost a given that tequila shots will follow dinner; so be prepared to blackout and never remember anything about this night. Which is okay, because you probably won't want to remember dancing on the bar... and then falling off.
10. Vodka Cranberry
You absolutely have heard this mentioned in some rap or R&B song (think Trey Songz), and you also know it's not terrible. It's the perfect drink to get tipsy while staying away from the darker alcohols. This can be a silent killer since it never tastes as strong as it is, and it can end one of two ways. Either you dance the night away with your girls, or you end up like the Cards of Humanity card: "Oprah sobbing into a lean cuisine."
11. Martini
OK, are you sure you're not 35? I have yet to ever see someone order a martini in a college bar, and you would absolutely get some strange looks. Kudo's to all the grown gals who chose to spend their birthday in a "grown up" bar, you probably have your life together much more than I do.
12. Fireball
Fireball is for freshmen in college. That's it, end of discussion. If you drink fireball after freshman year, I absolutely question your sanity and maturity. And also..just....ew.
13. Some sort of fruity concoction.
If your first drink is a frozen, fruity glass of heaven; you're probably out to dinner with your family. It is comprised of roughly: 90 percent sugar, 7 percent juice and 3 percent alcohol. Your mother probably recommended it (possibly because of the low alcohol content), but that's OK because y'all are BFFs and you're having fun. She also definitely snapped a pic of you smiling with your drink so you can put it on Insta with the caption "Finally legal!" later.
14. A Classy Glass Of Wine.
You're probably celebrating your birthday on a fancy date at a super nice restaurant because you have your life together. You never wear white after Labor Day, and you wouldn't dream of going to a gross, sweaty college bar for your 21st. You're probably going to end your night by telling your date way, way too much about yourself, eating chocolate covered strawberries and watching "The Notebook." But that's fine, because once again, you're 21 and have your life together.
Like previously stated; this article is based on absolutely zero scientific research. But as far as birthdays go, it's quite clear that your 21st happens to be one of the most important! Just take a few words of wisdom from all around bad bitch, Chelsea Handler.
