It's the holiday season, and with that comes family gatherings and celebrations. The problem with this, for me at least, is that there is always going to be someone missing from my family's table. My father passed away right before the holidays four years ago. Before that, I never imagined a holiday without him, and now it's normal that he isn't around.

It wasn't easy at first, and it still isn't. The holiday season brings back memories of the good times we shared together as a family. It's nice to be able to look back and remember those good memories, but it is painful knowing that that's all I have now; memories of what used to be an amazing family. Now when the holidays come around, I am not sitting at a table with my blood relatives. I'm with people that I'm not related to at all. Yes, they have become my family, but I get this overwhelming feeling that I am a burden. I always say that I wish I belonged somewhere because I feel like I do not. I have found myself struggling to enjoy the holidays with a broken family. I'm always reassured that I'm loved, welcomed, and wanted at their table, but it makes me miss my own family.

I miss my dad carving the turkey while the rest of us stood there with our mouths watering ready to dig in. I miss being excited when I woke up on Christmas morning. I miss seeing all the people that I love in the same room, at the same table, catching up and reflecting on the year, and looking forward to the year ahead.

So how do I deal with being a "misfit" during the holiday season?

I have found somewhere I belong. Family isn't always blood related and that's OK, that doesn't change anything. I love my family, my blood relatives and the family that I've gained over the past several years. I have found a way to create more amazing memories with different people and that is what I look forward to now instead of dreading these next couple of months. May all my fellow misfits find their seats at the table, and have a happy holiday season.