Imagine yourself walking down a crowded street; naked. You don't know where you're going nor where you came from. You just keep walking and walking with no end location in mind. Everyone you pass ignores you while your hands tremble and you become dizzy. Your palms become drenched in sweat as you crave silence in your head. It feels as though someone is pouring salt on the cuts on your skin. You are alone and no one is there to help you.
This is the mindset of a person struggling with anxiety.
No matter the severity of anxiety someone may have, it is crucial to understand and realize that you are not alone. There is always someone there who is willing to help. Maybe it is not clear who that person is, but no one is ever truly alone. Someone is there to help you pick up the pieces, and that is okay.
After two suicide attempts in 2012, I forced myself to believe that I was alone. I completely blocked out my family and friends. I lost my way and myself. As a matter of fact, I could not recognize myself in the mirror.
As open as I am about my own story, it is one for another day. I am an entirely different person today, and I share my story to give people hope. I only share a glimpse of it to give you a picture of my insight on the importance of finding your light; your safe-place.
For anyone who knows me, I am very self-conscious about how my hands constantly shake. Sometimes I notice it, but for the most part, I have embraced that it is a part of who I am. Instead of trapping myself in my room and worrying about my trembling hands, I chose to do something about it.
I needed to find something to distract me from constantly trying to squeeze my hands to stop the shaking. This is when I began to play the piano. When I am sitting up tall, and hands on the keys, I am truly in my safe-place. I do not think about anything else, but feeling good about myself. I am very proud of my musical accomplishments and I enjoy singing more than anything in the world.
Now whenever I find myself anxious and I have access to the piano, I run straight there. Sometimes, I am there for several hours just letting go. All of my worries slip away, and I actually feel happy.
I could honestly write an entire novel about the struggles of anxiety; however, this is not why I am here today. If you struggle with anxiety and feel alone, please tell yourself right now that you ARE NOT. The first step is accepting this fact, because you will not move forward if you force yourself to believe that you can handle this on your own. I would not be alive today if I was alone. You need to find a place, a person, or a thing, that makes all of your anxiety disappear. Even if it is only for a minute. When you have a moment of relaxation and freedom, then you will understand that hope is real.
