Being a twin has taught me how valuable one’s sense of identity can be. It’s awesome being a twin, don’t get me wrong, I love my mirror-harmonizing-buddy-therapist I call my other half. But just like everyone else, twins especially, are prone to having an identity crisis.
As adolescents, we are in a constant state of soul-searching, and that is totally normal of course. But when you have a mirror image of yourself walking the same halls, and speaking with the same voice, this idea of who you are as an individual can get very confusing and at times can just be plain exhausting. There are going to be times when you look at your twin and think, why can’t I be more like them (Insert character trait or skill here)… because I look like them. This is when you have to PAUSE. This is the turning point. Where the “stuff” goes down. The moment where you need to recognize that your physical similarities to your twin do not reflect upon one another’s individual capabilities. If you are not careful, this is where your self-esteem begins to drop, spirits are crushed, aspirations are lost, and you stop growing towards the awesome, individual person you can become.
While trying to figure out who you are as an individual, the first mistake you could make is assuming that you have to do separate activities from your twin. This could either be because you are afraid of people comparing you, or because you simply want to have something that can be your “thing” and that’s totally understandable, but just know that it IS okay to have similar interests. In high school, my twin sister and I both played the same sport, we even participated in some of the same performing arts projects. We dealt with comparison, believe me, but we stuck with it because the similar activities that we participated in were activities that we both loved. Neither of us were going to opt out just because the other wanted to do the same thing, and you and your twin shouldn’t either! Whether it be because you are trying to set yourself apart, or avoid the dreaded comparisons that come along with it. Which brings me to my next point.
The one thing that twins are trained to accept, and deal with for the rest of their lives is getting compared. Yes, two people, practically identical features, same voice, and blah blah blah. As a twin you can hardly keep yourself from rolling your eyes every time someone tries to compare you.
"Like OMG I didn’t notice that I had a sister/brother with the same face, thank you so much."
The moment that someone notices a difference, whether it be a physical trait or characteristic, they feel the need to point it out… they can’t help it. Just let it pass. My sister and I were and still are compared, I mean we’re twins, I expect nothing less from people. I understand that sometimes it can be hurtful however, and its okay to acknowledge that you are hurt by it.
When someone unintentionally points out a difference between you and your twin that you are insecure about, its hard to shake. It’s never going to be easy to swallow comparisons. There is nothing good to wash them down with, but there is one thing you must do. You have to accept that you both have individual strengths, and weaknesses. You and your twin sibling are two separate people. Just because you are twins doesn’t mean that you are going to naturally do everything the same, you know that there are going to be differences. You both have flaws; things that you individually excel in that the other doesn’t, and that is nothing to be ashamed of. Those differences are what make you and your twin, who you individually are, apart from one another. And once you allow yourself to embrace those differences and little quirks that make you who you are. I promise, you will find your own identity.
