"I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you."
As a child, I definitely sang this phrase to let the mean children know their efforts were going to waste. In my childhood, this phrase definitely held more truth. As I began to get older I found that I felt more like the glue than I did the rubber.
I don't remember the exact moment where I lost my confidence, but suddenly my security began to dissolve. I needed the approval of others.
It was in high school that I realized I hated to be alone. If I was alone, I only had my own self-perceptions to rely on. I did not like what I saw when I looked in the mirror.
It wasn't my body or my appearance that bothered me. I have always loved and accepted my body. It was something internal. There was just something that I didn't like about myself.
I remember the first guy I really liked in high school. He was cute and hysterical. Best of all, he thought I was great. He really liked me. He told me I was beautiful and special. He saw something in me that I could not see in myself.
That was the moment I had realized that I needed another person to love me because I couldn't love myself.
After that relationship ended, I immediately got into another one. The same thing happened after that one ended. I wasn't looking for "the one" I was looking for security.
I got my value and worth from how others perceived me. If someone saw something good in me I clung to them in hopes that I would feel it too. I could barely stand on my own. I became dependent upon the approval and care of others.
Because I would cling to these men, I began to lose my sense of self. I would see myself through their eyes rather than my own. I began to be Hailey and “boyfriend” rather than just Hailey.
Each relationship started out great. I fell so quickly and began immersing myself in the relationship. However, there always came a point where I felt something wasn’t right. In this moment I would be plagued with fear that something was wrong and I would immediately end the relationship.
I would ask myself “Why? Why am I doing this? Why am I always plagued with this fear?”
It took me a while to realize the relationships could never grow or pass a certain point because of the role I put my boyfriend in. I would put my life, my happiness, my identity in their hands. I was so vulnerable and desperate to find value in their eyes.
A mature relationship is one where each individual stands in their own security while functioning as a whole. No one should have to lose a part of themselves in order to feel special or valued.
This article is for the people who feel they need someone in order to feel whole. You are more than enough. It may take a while to see it but you are a candle created to shine in this world. I challenge you today to find that light inside of you and shine. You don’t need to become the rubber or the glue, all you need to be is you.
