Relationships have never been my strong suite. Even from a young age, I knew I would never be the type to meet someone and fall in love. I could not explain why, but perhaps it was just intuition. although, it could be any number of reasons I always knew my parents' marriage played a huge role. Just like so many others my parents were divorced, which was fine. I grew up watching my father work hard to hold the foundation of a 20 year marriage that my mother continued to hit by a bulldozer till it came crashing down. i never wanted to go through that, it wasn't worth the heartache.
Needless to say, I still dated and as to no shock each one crashed and burned. However, it never really bothered me. I had a predominant type when it came to boyfriends. they almost seemed to be cut from the same cloth. with similar features, all of them had the muscles, hard jaw lines and of course the facial hair. personality wise, they all seemed to be "my way or the highway" kind of guys, the type of men that always had one foot out the door. In fact, most of the time I was trying to help push them through that door, I did not do permanent. permanent scared me. Committing scared me. compromise scared me.
Coincidentally life has sent me into a new relationship. a relationship I was not expecting to say the least. Honestly, day one I thought I was on the same merry go round. However, it wasn't long till I realized this was not the case and I was going into unknown territory. unlike the others, he makes me work harder to be a better person. he probably does not even know it, but in the short time we have been together, I have begun to look at myself and finally like who I am. I can see my worth. It was not easy to adjust to someone who genuinely cared. I had no clue how to react, I would find myself lost and caught off guard when he called me "dear" or"hun" and I began to look forward to being with him. especially the mornings when he would get up and tuck the blanks all around me then kiss me before heading off.
Its weird too, because when I first met him I never imagined all this. to be honest, I didn't know he was going to be this important to me. However he is and I can't explain why. it could be his smile, eyes, or the way he sings and dances to every song he turns on.I don't have to look him in the face and see a forever right away. when I look at him I see my right now and that's all that matters. with him it's easy and all the other bullshit goes away.
by chance you are reading this. All those times you have asked what I am thinking and I replied "nothing." I lied. the truth is I was thinking of how to say "I love you"