Looking back on life, it's hard not to remember all of the times my family struggled to get by. We were constantly moving, causing us to change schools and leave our friends behind. At first, it wasn't about the money for my siblings and I. Since we were always leaving the houses we lived in, we were more concerned about leaving behind the friends we made and having to make new ones all over again.

My family survived on welfare, knowing that without food stamps I probably wouldn't have eaten that night. My three siblings and I couldn't get the things we wanted and barely had the money to get what was needed too. Frequently, outside family members would help us or we would take donations from the church just so we had clothes to wear and school supplies.

We were taught to cherish what we had and not take anything for granted. We were never allowed to complain about what we did and didn't have. It was taught that complaining would get us nowhere and that if we wanted something, we really had to work hard for it. While friends at school were getting cell phones, computers and new clothes every school year, I was getting hand-me-downs, reusing school supplies and I didn't even get a cell phone until I was a sophomore in high school.

Since I was raised on very little and was told to clean my plate for every meal, save all of my change and try to not pine for something I couldn't have, it affected how I function as an adult.

Now as a financially stable adult, I find myself resorting back to what I was taught when I was growing up. I'm by no means rich now -- but I have the ability to buy myself the things that I want, eat when I want to and sleep soundly knowing I won't potentially be evicted the next day.

Even when I'm able to, buying something expensive for myself evokes guilt. When I bought my Macbook for school, it was around $900. That was the most money I had ever spent at once, ever. After the purchase, although I was happy, I was incredibly disgusted with myself. How could I allow myself to spend that much money? Flashbacks of scraping to get by, being afraid I'd get teased for my hand-me-downs and not sure I'd be in the same house next week came flooding back to me. Right there in the Apple Store. I felt nauseous, but I knew that I was able to spend the money and I needed the computer.

I frequently find myself mentally punishing myself for spending money that I've earned, even on the smallest online purchase. After the money is spent, I have to justify the purchase to myself in order to not be ashamed of what I did. In reality, I knew I did nothing wrong. But it felt wrong because of everything my family had been through. Like I couldn't allow myself to have something I earned because my family didn't have it growing up.

Whenever this happens to me, I get very in my head. It's like I'm 10 years old again, moving to yet another neighborhood, another school and onto another life that may not last. It's okay to wish for something, but I can't get it. Now that I can get what I want, it's hard to let myself allow it.

Growing up poor changed me, but it's not always bad. It's hard to let myself want things, but it always helps me stop from spending money for no reason too. I was taught to get things I need first and what I want last. But as a financially stable adult, I use my childhood as something I struggle with and something that has taught me valuable lessons about saving and priorities. I wouldn't change how I grew up for the world and I won't let it affect me forever.

Growing up poor is not a bad thing, but it's not a good thing either. I will have valuable advice for my children and if they want something, within reason I will indulge them. I don't want them to have "retail regret" when they grow up because it's okay to be able to afford what you need and what you want too.