Written by Claire Larsen, Edited by Annabelle Dura
I’ve noticed a trend with students in my small, close-knit university community. It is a subject I feel strongly about… enough to want to share with others in hopes that it gives those a sense of peace, knowing there are others who feel the same way.
The trend is a lack of respect and a lack of awareness of how our actions feed into an unhealthy environment--particularly an environment one might engage in on a weekend night.
Oftentimes, when this topic is brought up it makes people feel uncomfortable and they shy away, avoiding it. Well, you know what? It should make you feel uncomfortable. Instead of shying away…
Let’s ask questions. Let’s talk about it.
Emptiness in a crowded room
I was sitting in a room in a fraternity house one night; it was the first week into my junior year of college. It was almost a surreal experience. I looked around as the sound of laughter was drowned out by the bass of the rap music. A couple looked at one another, smiled and leaned their heads back as the fiery liquid disappeared behind their side profiles. The girl sitting next to me said something, but all I saw were lips moving. I glanced out past the doorway to see two bodies pressed up against a wall, hands moving and lips pressed.
I thought to myself: What am I doing here?
Half of the people in this fraternity house are not my friends, some of them I barely know and only a few are actually my close friends. So why have I been going out every weekend for the past year and a half and wasting my time in an environment that is not helping me grow? I realized I was filling the emptiness with meaningless conversations and people. I was stuck in the same cycle, the mundane lifestyle of just going through the motions. I wasn’t focusing on people that inspired me and made me a better person. Instead, I was focusing on the superficial relationships--purely based on how drunk we got the night before.
I realized I was letting people in my life, that were not worthy of being there.
The Fantasy
A few weekends ago I found myself at a party similar to the previous one. I sat again in a room with people who are about to graduate with me. I tried to hold a conversation with a few, but they could barely talk they were so drunk. I guess I hadn’t missed much. Out of that night, I got a couple free beers and small meaningless conversations with people I will never see again in my life.
I found that the past years I lost myself and gave into this specific fantasy we live as college students. This world of limited responsibilities and constant partying every weekend isn’t real life.
Real life is putting food on the table for your future family.
Real life is preparing to survive in a world where there might not be security to fall back on.
What is real life is using the money you worked so hard making, bettering yourself and others... Traveling, sharing stories and inspiring others like that college student who reminds you so much of yourself at that age, to work hard so they can achieve what they were shooting for and more.
And most importantly, real life is… finding happiness and wholeness in who you are within yourself.
The Game
But within all relationships, whether it be a one-night stand, long-lasting relationships, or even a friendship, there needs to be productive communication and respect.
My freshman year and on, it was “cool” to talk about the person you brought home. I often thought to myself, "Why would you want someone to know that?" It is objectifying the other, like a trophy they won. It is a lack of respect for the person you shared a bed with or couch or wherever it might have been... and an immature gossip cycle of who slept with who.
I noticed it is a game that many play, and it is toxic.
It’s the kind of game you wake up the next morning wishing you hadn’t played.
It is filling emptiness with unhealthy actions. It makes you wonder why you feel guilt and depression the next morning after going out the night before.
These parties are truly a free-for-all. Anything goes and it is perfectly accepted in the eyes of those who partake. Many people have opinions on sex, drugs, and alcohol, and there should be controversy; it is how we work through problems within our community, but if one decides to partake in these actions he/she needs to be aware of how their actions towards people might shift from how they might have been taught.
Like the saying goes, “If you run with dogs, you’ll catch fleas,” and I do not mean just STD’s. I mean a mentality of “this life revolves around me” and “I am invincible.”
...Selfishness.
The trend of no respect
I saw and personally experienced a trend. No respect.
No respect for the people within the community, inside and outside friend circles. I find there is a lack of courtesy and privacy. Our culture has made us oblivious to the fact that this information isn’t ours to share. We have all been witnesses of sharing information that is not supposed to be shared…
But when you do share those special secrets… Do you take a step back and ask yourself how those actions might affect the person being gossiped about?
The lack of respect also leads to unrealistic views of how we respect each other's bodies. We can't respect each other's bodies if we can't respect our own, and media has taught us to hate ourselves. Something that would have been taboo to talk about, twenty years ago and still is in certain communities, is the physical and mental violation that takes place. And the lack of empathy within the community (mainly from a lack of education or personal experience).
Disrespect comes in all forms: in words, physical action, emotional manipulation, nonresponsiveness, disregard to communication (discounting the other's emotions), and the degrading actions and insulting comments made all too often.
How are victims supposed to heal and move forward in a community like this?
Let Us Build Each Other Up
Instead of spending our time on people who will stay stagnant and comfortable in this fantasy world, let's help each other grow, and stay positive and busy focusing on trying to improve this culture we have created. Let’s surround ourselves with people who bring out the best in us, support us, and encourage us.
“I am proud to have high integrity and respect for others, as well as myself.”--This is a statement I wish every human stood for, represented, and strove to achieve.
